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Any advice on setting boundaries with an overbearing mother after the birth of the first grandchild?

I'm pregnant and due in 4 weeks. I desperately need advice on setting up boundaries for my mother once the baby arrives. She's a very loving person, but likes to be the one in control. She's the source of most of my stress, and I am very concerned with the transition in the first few weeks after the baby is born. She call's daily, wants to stop by everyday, and buys things for the baby endlessly. She's actually called it "her baby" once before, and I just can't seem to let it go. I have such guilt that I don't enjoy her advice because its forced and not given. Any advice is welcome.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:11 PM on Aug. 18, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (5)
  • TELL HER STRAIGHT UP THIS IS MY CHILD NOT URS I AM THE MOTHER IF I NEED HELP I WILL ASK YOU IF YOU OFFER HELP AND I TURN YOU DOWN U NEED TO ACCEPT IT......DONT LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS....IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE IS GOING TO BE A TOUGH ONE IF SHE KEEPS AND CALLING TELL HER SHE NEEDS TO BACK OFF AND TELL HER AFTER U HAVE THE BABY THAT U WILL CALL HER WHEN U ARE READY FOR HER TO COME OVER....TRUST ME YOU DONT WANT TO BE UN HAPPY IN A HAPPY TIME.....IF SHE DONT STOP GET A RESTRAING ORDER........I HATE MY MIL AND WAS ABOUT TO DO IT BUT SHE IS CRAZY ANY WAYS GOOD LUCK AND REMEMBER KEEP UR GROUND ON WHAT U SAY DONT BACK DOWN
    mama2my2boys

    Answer by mama2my2boys at 2:15 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Let her know that she can't call or come by everyday because the baby will be sleeping and you need your rest while the babies asleep. In fact I'd turn my ringer off or volume down, for people like her!
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 2:16 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • My mom isn't that bad, but can't handle it when you don't do things her way. It drives me insane. She has improved in the last few years. I would explain to that appreciate her concern and wisdom, and gifts. But that you need to have a chance to make your own mistake and figure out what kind of mom you want/need to be. Ask her to please give you some space to do that. And remind her that you can't appreciate someone who is always there. Maybe once the baby is there set up a day and time each week or day that is special Grandma time, this way she sees her grandchild, but more on your terms and keeps her in the loop to be able to babysit for you.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 2:17 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • OH MY this sounds like my dad. My daughter was literally 6 weeks old before he missed a day of seeing her. He would sometimes just show up at my house while we were napping. Horrible. I finally had to put him in his place! You should sit down and have a very firm heart to heart and tell her how you feel about the situation. You do not have to be mean, just honest. After the baby is born, if the issues continue, put up a sign on your front door saying, "Baby is busy, no visitors at this time." Or something cute and creative that works for you. Then if ANYONE stops by while the sign is up, just ignore them.

    FYI, you will really learn to appreciate the "buying endlessly" and her being so involved, it is SO nice now that my daughter is older, and I can take her to grandpa whenever I need any type of break!
    Tiera12

    Answer by Tiera12 at 3:00 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • You have to have a talk with her....as everyone else has said. My mother in law was similar -- expect she wanted all control when I was in labor -- so with my daughter I told her what her duties where, were she was allowed and what she needed to be backed out of. But I said it nicely.

    Good luck and I hope it all works out for you :)
    GoodThingsLast

    Answer by GoodThingsLast at 5:54 PM on Aug. 27, 2009

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