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How do you look at your daughter?

My sis-in-law has an 11 year old girl who has started growing "boobs" and is freaking out because she doesn't want her boobs growing at different sizes. She is making her kids take a vow before God at church that they will not have sex before they are married, but I don't think she is showing her kids the trust they need. They have told me that it's hard to look at her now because they don't like knowing that "her boyfriend will be pounding her"...
My oldest is a girl, but she is only 5. I can't even imagine some guy doing anything like that to her...I know that there is usually one thing on boys minds after a certain age, but can't I teach her to respect her body and not have to think of it as someone pounding her? How do you think of it, and what do you do to prevent her from having sex early on?
Also check out my question about their son...13 year old boy now interested in watching the naked scene from Titanic.


Asked by mammacjjc85 at 3:23 PM on Aug. 18, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (9)
  • The most important thing is to make sure your daughter has good self esteem. And a good relationship with her father or some male . (most) girls start having sex too young because they are seeking male attention and approval. And yes talk to them about sex. As soon as they ask if they are old enough to ask they are old enough to know(answer only the question they ask and in away fit for their age) I have a son and plan on teaching him how to treat a girl and how to not give into peer pressure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • You can't stop them from growing up. Personally I think that is a little weird that now that her daughter has started to develop, she can't look at her without thinking of her having sex with boys. Even if I knew my child were sexually active, I don't think I'd think about it every time I looked at them. It's certainly not the only part of who they are even if they have started exploring that part of their lives.

    I talk to my kids about the risks of having sex, and that I hope they will wait until they can take care of a child that could result before having sex. They also know that if they do choose sex, I will help them get BC so they are less likely to end up with a child they are not ready for. We also talk about the emotional aspects of sex and why it is better to wait until you are a grown up in that regard as well. However, I will not feel hurt or disappointed if they do have sex as teens. Most of them do.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:40 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Wow - that's sick. What kind of mom looks at her daughter and imagines her getting pounded?!? Parents like that, who act all holy, but think so unholy, end up raising kids who rebel and are sexually active way before they should be. My advice would be to be a friend to your niece, offer support and a safe place to talk, because I seriously doubt she's getting that at home.

    Answer by goldenfox at 4:09 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • What is your obsession with your friends life and the way she raises her children? While it may be weird it really isn't your place to question or wonder.

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 5:02 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • i think its nice that you are concerned, kids need all the love and caring they can get. just make sure you are available for the kids to talk may be all you can really do

    Answer by LadyDahl at 1:10 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • My concern is that she is not my friend, but my kids aunt. I look at the way she lives, and I don't want to get that way when my kids get older. My thoughts are exactly what goldenfox replied with. I don't want my kids to rebel when they get older like I have seen so many Christian children do because their parents went to church, but lived a different home life which in turn pushed the children from God. I guess I'm not really questioning how she raises her kids because I know she will not listen to me if I offer advice, but I don't want to make her mistakes or let her treat my kids that way...
    Goldenfox: I would love to offer friendship to my niece, but she lives too far away, and because we lived with them for a few months way back when, the kids hate my kids (another concern that they are not being raised to have Christian hearts), so it's hard to even talk with her, cause they all think I'm terrible or something.

    Answer by mammacjjc85 at 2:40 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I think that's awful. My daughter is 8 and I can't imagine thinking those things about her. I do think it's okay for kids to wait until marriage to have sex - I definitely think it's ideal, so taking the vow to wait for sex at church is not a bad thing. I am teaching my daughter to respect herself and her body. I hope that I will be able to trust her, but I will have rules about where she and her friends (male and female) can go and where they can be and for how long. But I'm teaching my son the same things and will have the same rules. I believe boys can be taught self control just as easily as girls.

    Answer by missanc at 10:19 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • Ewww! If that's what she thinks of her child and the way she treats her, she just may drive her to it! I agree with Anonymous above. Self esteem, healthy relationships and education.

    Answer by asiamommi at 1:20 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • That's what I was thinking. I can't imagine looking at my daughter and thinking that some guy is going to be having sex with her soon. I really want to teach her to respect her body. I feel very proud about the way I handled myself growing up as I had a few boyfriends that only wanted to have sex with me but I knew that I wasn't ready and wanted to wait until I knew he was the one for me. Most of them ended up never talking to me again, but that just showed me that all they wanted was sex and I didn't, I wanted a relationship...Anyway, thank you all for responding, I was just making sure that there are mothers who think like I do and wanted to reassure myself that I am looking at my "little princess" the way I should be, as a beautiful little girl that can learn to respect herself.

    Answer by mammacjjc85 at 4:11 PM on Aug. 19, 2009