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step kids is causing problems with marriage?

My husband has a 4yr old boy and a 3yr old girl by his previous marriage! Then we have a 5mth old girl together! We get along fine the 2wks out of the month we dont have his kids! But the other 2wks are hell! We can hardly see eye to eye! His kids are a holy terror! They treat me like I'm their age adn he does not back me up on nothing! I dont have the heart to tell him that its the kids why our marriage is the way it is! But I dread the weeks we have to get them! What should I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Aug. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I would not tell him that the kids are the problem of the marriage. They were there before you and they are his kids. If he is a man, he would choose his kids over you not to be harsh. The kids are young and in a very hard situation. A separated house is never good for kids. You need to gain the respect of the kids and work through it if that is what you want in life.
    mommytoangel407

    Answer by mommytoangel407 at 3:33 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Well sounds like he jumped from one relationship to another and the kids are young and probably pretty confused. I dont think they are the problem in the marriage either. Odds are there are problems because you dont agree on discipline. If the kids dont like you and you apparently dont like them much maybe you can see about getting them every other weekend like most steps do. Then when they are older you can see about getting them more often. I wouldnt expect your husband to choose you over them though, maybe you can talk to him and the mother together and come up with a reasonable solution.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:40 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Im not asking him to choose his kids over me! I just want some respect from the kids! i wouldnt pick someone over my child either! but i have done more for those kids than their mother has done! take them to the dr, get their hair cut, buy their clothes, ect ect! And they treat me like i havent done nuttin for them! and yall dont know the whole situation..their mother is living the party life and doesnt have them the week she is spose to!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I disagree. He is your husband, and if the kids are "terrors" as you say, and you are trying to discipline them while they are in YOUR home, then he needs to back you up 100% on this. As long as you are doing it in the right way then he needs to man up and support you. I'm not saying be harsh to the kids, I"m sure they are going through a rough time right now too, but when he married you he should have accepted the fact that you are going to be in his childrens life and you deserve to be treated with respect. I would just talk to him about the whole situation, if you don't then it's going to eat at your marriage, possibly even destroy it. Good Luck!
    jillisue808

    Answer by jillisue808 at 3:47 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • First off, it's not his kids that are causing problems in your marriage, it's the two of you. You both HAVE to be on the same page regarding the kids. Maybe you need to get into counseling. I'm currently leaving a marriage because of these same problems. I was always the one raising HIS kids and got no respect from him or his son.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 4:21 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • looks like you guys need to bust out a pen & paper & make some decisions & compromise with eachother on a few things. I hate hearing stories of a woman marrying a man, just to find out that the "step kids" cause a problem......it's not the step kids, it's you. You need to create a positive relationship w/ them. It's your duty, you signed up for that when you agreed to marry this man. If you cannot do that, then you are not fit for being a good step parent.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:48 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Well it's been a few years since we had my stepkids here every other weekend. But from what I was always told it is not your responsibitlity to disipline them or anything else it is their fathers you knew he had kids going in to the marriage and you should of talked about that b/4 hand. I hated how my dh was raising his kids but I didn't say anything in fact I would seldom leave them on their own w/ dad to handle them his self. When it got to be too much for me I accepted the fact that I might have to leave the marriage.His kids were not my responsibilty & I chose not to have to disipline them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • the kids are not teh problem how you handle the kids is. Consider taking parenting classes together on the best way for you to parent his children while he learns to back and support you it s asticky situation where you need to tread lightly but its not his childrens fault Im sure it is very difficult for them to be the product of a broken marriage and flip flopping custody
    katiekruschke

    Answer by katiekruschke at 5:51 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Those kids are there for TWO WEEKS at a time. They need to obey you and their father, as they are staying in YOUR (plural) home. Just because you're the step mom doesn't mean that they don't have to listen to you. Your hubby needs to back you up. If he refuses. this is what you do: PACK UP AND STAY AT YOUR PARENT'S HOME OR A HOTEL (LET HIM PAY FOR THE HOTEL BILL) WITH YOUR BABY. He'll see the error of his ways, trust me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Answered at 8:03 PM on Aug. 18, 2009 by: Anonymous
     Those kids are there for TWO WEEKS at a time. They need to obey you and their father, as they are staying in YOUR (plural) home. Just because you're the step mom doesn't mean that they don't have to listen to you. Your hubby needs to back you up. If he refuses. this is what you do: PACK UP AND STAY AT YOUR PARENT'S HOME OR A HOTEL (LET HIM PAY FOR THE HOTEL BILL) WITH YOUR BABY. He'll see the error of his ways, trust me.


     


     I totally agree with this!!!!

    NewTakeOnLife09

    Answer by NewTakeOnLife09 at 12:29 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

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