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How can I get my daughter out of my bed.

My youngest daughter is 11 and going into 6th grade this year. Every night she gets into our bed and refuses to move. When we move her out she comes back in 15 minutes later when both my husband and I are settled into bed. She is a terrible sleeper, turning sideways so nieiher my husband nor I can get any real sleep. I really think that she is too old to do this and I don't know what to do. Any Suggestions?

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groovymama1987

Asked by groovymama1987 at 7:58 PM on Aug. 18, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Lock her in her room... J/k.
    That does seem a little too old to be co-sleeping with Mom and Dad. How old was she when she started doing this? What caused it?
    Maybe if you agreed on having a "sleepover" in her room, and gradually moving to your own room, it might help. or, since she's old enough, just explain to her that she has her own room to sleep in, and you have yours.
    You can also get her some things that she might feel comfortable with - to help her stay in her bed during the night. Maybe a body pillow or something.
    K_Sawyer

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 8:00 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • You could try a sleeping bag or cot at first, in your room near your bed, then maybe move it across the room. Then to her room. You could try some wind down time in her own room, before bedtime. We co-sleep, and have a 10yo that sleeps like your child. She sleeps in a sleeping bag on a cot next to my side of the bed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • That is odd. She is old enough to understand. Lock her out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • This happened to my oldest daughter a couple of ears ago. It happened right after my parents died, she just couldn't sleep knowing they were gone. So maybe your daughter is acting like this because of something traumatic that has happened to her. Anything like divorces, deaths or even just getting picked on could trigger it. Try to bring up the subject on a calm day and try to see from her point of view. once you know whats wrong, you may be able to stop it. if she says nothings going on, talk to her doctors. There are prescription drugs that help with insomnia. Some other (hopefully) helpful ideas are, feng shui! there are ways to set up the room that keep sleep patterns in line. set up a bed next to your bed where she can be as close as it's gonna get.
    LeviM

    Answer by LeviM at 9:08 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • She is way too old to be climbing into bed with mom and dad. (unless sick or scared). Lock your door and tell her that she will sleep in her own bed because she is too old to sleep with you. She is well beyond the age where she can understand the concept of not sleeping with her parents and why it is not ok.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:45 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Having a family bed is a family choice, but this is obviously not working for anyone but her. I slept with my kids until it got too crowded and then I went to just laying with them in THEIR own beds until they fell asleep. Then gradually weaning off that by leaving while they are still awake etc. This takes time but seems the most compassionate way to me and it worked. They figured out they were more comfy too with more room but just weren't used to being alone. They now only come in occasionally when they are sick or scared but actually prefer their own beds. Good luck! I
    momrocks1000

    Answer by momrocks1000 at 11:01 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I have the same problem! My DD is 12 but it's just me that shares a bed with her so I have extra room. Have any of these suggestions helped? We watch tv in my bedroom, hang out in my bedroom & pretty much live in there so how can I just lock her out? That seems very cruel.
    sgum72

    Answer by sgum72 at 12:45 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • Why is she doing this? Is it emotional? Or does she not like her room? Redecorate?
    asiamommi

    Answer by asiamommi at 1:15 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • Find out if there's anything that she is afraid of. If you discover anything, either fix it or reassure her that you are not going to leave her alone. Otherwise, you put her to bed in her room with a nightlight or a stuffed animal or two, if that makes her feel more comfortable, and you tell her to stay there. You nor your husband don't have a lot of authority or control in your home if she is still sleeping in your bed and you feel so powerless to do anything about it. It is of utmost important that parents teach children early on that their bedroom is a special place. We kept our door locked and the children knew if they ever came to our door that they were to knock. We also taught our children at about the age of two that when we put them to bed, they were to stay there unless there was a real need to get up. I think your main problem is that you have not established your authority and enforced proper boundaries.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:38 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Is she sleepwalking? If not, she's definitely old enough to understand. I'd put my foot down, get her up every time, and send her to her own room. Better yet - I'd get a lock put on my door and lock it at night while hubby and I are sleeping.
    MinstrelMommy

    Answer by MinstrelMommy at 1:28 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

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