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do you feel there is a different kind of love when...

you have a child with someone...but then you marry another man because you are IN love with them? does this make sense? having a child with someone gives you a bond between the two of you...so its sort of like love. but not at a relationship level. i was tryin to explain this to my SO, but I feel like I am hurting him more than getting it out correctly.

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Keeely07

Asked by Keeely07 at 10:46 PM on Aug. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,476 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • You love him for being the father of your children....I get that...but I would see why that would be hurtful to your current SO....I wouldnt try to explain...he may not ever be able to really understand what you mean by that....just void the comment...lol ;)
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 10:48 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • Just say there will always be a bond between the two of you because of your daughter. If he is a good guy, your daughters welare and happiness is priority to him which means you two will be in contact. It's something your SO will have to deal and live with. I wouldnt call it love anymore. A bond is a better way to describe it to him.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 10:54 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I should say, yes i agree there is that type of love, but to explain that to a man......I dont blame him for being hurt. I'd be the same way if my SO said that to me (if he had a child with another women)
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 10:55 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • i understand that it's a LOVE because.. women are nurturing like that. but i can understand that your SO gets upset just by you using the word "love."
    if you worded it differently.. like they said its a bond, that would probably suit the situation better. i completely get that its different, and it really is love because you love the father for giving you your child which obviously is priceless, irreplaceable, and you will always be connected for that.
    but theres a reason that you didn't work out, and ide stress that to your SO because it has to be intimidating being with a woman who without a doubt will have a lifelong bond with another man.. no matter what.
    but i understand what youre saying completely.. i hope it helps! =)
    Samanthao2006

    Answer by Samanthao2006 at 11:09 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I guess I'll have to bow out of this one. I only had children by the man I loved so I don't think I can answer this one.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:15 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

  • I am one of the old fuddy duddies that didn't have sex and children with people I wasn't in love with either.
    I do have to say tho, that people in my past that I loved, I still have a feeling of emotion for them (some a form of love/connection, others a distaste for) so I think I get what you're saying in a whacked out way. I'm curious tho... how does your hubby feel about you having sex with someone you didn't love? Or is it that you loved them then but don't now but you have a connection with them because of your child? I'd have to tell him that it's like if you and him were to split up, because of your children with him (if you have any) that you'd always care what happened to him, always wish him well, have an emotion for even if you didn't want to be married to him.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:27 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I do not want anything to happen to my children's father because of my children. I do not have emotions of love for him though. I think women are too 'sentimental' & want to call it 'love'. Immature girls also 'use' men from the past to make men of the present jealous. Just because somebody is there for conception does not mean 'love' or 'forever connection', it simply means their DNA mixed. I do not say anything negative about my children's father but I do not have any connection with him...he is just another human.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • The truth is that whenever you have sex with a man, there is a part of you that bonds with him. It may be at a level of which you are totally unaware, but in essence, when you leave him or he you, you also leave a part of yourself with that man. It may be true to an even greater extent when that sexual union results in the life of a child. The greater truth is that we were designed by a holy God to bond sexually with one man within the confines of marriage, and we were meant to bond for our entire lives. The only exception to that was to have been in the event of the death of the spouse. Cultural prohibitions have changed, but God's laws have remained exactly the same. While he allows us to violate them as we please, he also allows the consequences of our fractured, separated, and broken selves having to go through our entire lives with parts of ourselves missing, given away to people who did not deserve to have us.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:37 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I had multiple partners & then rededicated my life to Christ. I do not have a bond or connection with any of those men. I have remarried & can say that it is like my husband is the only man that I have been with. I am a new creation & am looking forward to the future & not looking back at my past.....it has NO hold on me & neither do the men that were in it. Maybe the connection & bond was never there because I was always drunk for the sex but I can really say there is no bond. Some of the men I have never seen again & don't remember their names or faces. One of my children's father was only a sperm donor as far as I'm concerned...the bonding is with my husband that has helped raised the baby since birth.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

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