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Am I not ready to wean her?

I didn't nurse her all day today, and she fell asleep fine without nursing, but my heart is breaking in half. I actually feel the saddest I have felt in such a long time. I want to wean her because it is all killing my back, but I am thinking that my heart is hurting so much worse right now. She is the first baby I nursed, and I will probably not have anymore. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I am so proud of myself and her. I love her so much and it always made me feel so good because I was "special" to her. I had something that daddy, or grandma, or no one else had. I feel so sad. Is this normal, or am I not ready emotionally for this?

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Asked by bellasrose71008 at 2:06 AM on Aug. 19, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • It's normal, if she's ready then wean it's all about her honestly. Don't force it. If your back is bad have you tried different positions? Using pillows to support both of you? If you'd like tips PM me.

    Good luck stay strong!

    Answer by Wildkitten82 at 2:32 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I think I'm coming up to where you are. My 17 month old son nurses pretty much on demand, as I've stayed home with him until now. I've had him with the maternal assistant two days per week and he'll be starting Monday to Friday in September, as I'm going back to school and work. Before June, when I came to pick him up he went straight for the breast. Now he's showing signs of losing interest. We cosleep and he nurses a few times a night. My back, arms and shoulders are often sore from contorted night nursing positions and in some ways I'm ready to reduce the feedings. But I too feel sad when I think about stopping. I think it's all about letting go ... like the month after he was born, I felt really sad that my belly was empty. In any case, my intention is to let him decide when he's ready to let go of nursing, as hard as it will be. I feel for you, because I dread when our special relationship will be over.

    Answer by thebruce at 8:31 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • If you come back to read this:

    I gave in. I fed her last night. I was trying to wean her because it is killing my back. Still, all I kept thinking was "I am not ready for this". I don't even have a picture or something to remind me of our little journey together. I have tried pillows, different positions, special chairs and everything else I can think of, including exercises to strengthen and stretch my back, and nothing has worked. To be honest, she is just too big for me. Thebruce, I have found that the night time feedings can sometimes be the worst. For some reason it really hurts my back, and so then, I am not getting any rest at all. They already found arthritis on my spine. I am tiny, and my boobs got big, uugh! I guess I am just venting...

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 9:33 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • **hugs mama**

    Are you on any medication for the pain? There are lots of pain relievers that are safe to take while nursing...if you're comfortable with it, that is. I wish I had other advice for your pain.

    Just remember, if you're willing to put up with it, and you and baby aren't ready to wean yet, you don't have to.

    I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 11:48 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • Bella, I bought myself a Pilates book and find it's helping - granted it's going to take some time to restrengthen but I'm not as hideously sore as I was. Also, I'm trying to reduce the night feedings by rubbing his back and patting his bum instead of offering him a breast, but I'm not always consistent about it, to be honest. Pregnancy does a number on our bodies, let alone what happens to your back with night nursings and the weird positions we take to nurse and sleep at the same time. My little guy weighs 13 kg (maybe 25+ lbs? I need to do the conversion), so I can relate to nursing a big baby. He likes to push against my body with his feet while he's nursing too, so it's not always very comfortable. I've been wondering if this is his way of expressing his growing awareness that he's becoming a little boy and leaving babyhood behind - the pushing of his legs while he stays latched on for dear life and cries if I stop ...

    Answer by thebruce at 10:54 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Do whatever feels right to you ... I like to journal things out when I'm feeling conflicted about things. It helps me to see my inner stuff on paper. And these forums are great, too. Big hugs

    Answer by thebruce at 10:56 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I don't understand how nursing an older baby could hurt your back. I hate to put it this way but there must be something you are doing wrong. There are so many positions to nurse in they can't all hurt. It that is the only reason you are weaning then I strongly encourage you talk to a La Leche League Leader or lactation consultant. Go to the discussion boards, there is a baby led weaning board there. You may find something on

    I had two forms of arthritis and fibromyalgia when I nursed my third child. I had nerve damage during the birth and I was left with no feeling in my leg. It was very uncomfortable for me to mother in a wheelchair, get the thing in and out of the car, and breastfeed in the wheelchair. Somehow I figured out ways to nurse that saved my joints.

    Answer by GailllAZ at 11:32 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • thebruce, thank you. Yes, she does the kicking thing too. She puts her foot up against my chest and pushes. It is not too comfortable. Thanks for understanding.

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 7:24 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

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