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Would you do your husbands work for him?

My husband gets in trouble at work (military) and the punishment they impose is writing essays - this week it is four essays, 500 words each. My husband expects me to write these essays because as he works so he doesn't have the time. He gave me 24 hours notice that he needed them and doesn't understand why I am mad that he is making me do them! He guilts me into doing all of his paperwork (including online courses he is supposed to take so he can get promoted!) because as he says - I do nothing all day and wives should help their husbands. I am a SAHM of two special needs children so it isn't like I sit around eating bon bons!! I really feel like me doing the work is cheating and lying is giving me stomach cramps- I can't look at his superiors without feeling ill because I have basically lied to them and I don't want to do it again... do I let DH flounder though? What else can I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:31 AM on Aug. 19, 2009 in Money & Work

Answers (45)
  • I would ...and by the third one I'd make sure one of those essays talks about how the wife is the one doing all the work in writing them LOL!!! sorry I know is not funny... why the heck is he getting in so much 'trouble"? may be  because you are doing all the work he doesn't care getting in trouble?? my son is in the military and I'm sorry but if he was to do this frequently I'll tell him "honey you're  on your own!

    annyPG

    Answer by annyPG at 7:42 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • Your hubby needs to step up and take responsibility for his own actions. I would NOT do this for him. If he has issue with it tell him to stop getting into trouble so he won't have to write them. Tell him you are not his momma but his wife...and wives are supportive and encouraging. And tell him you are going to support his attitude change, him doing his own work, and him not getting into trouble! Try to be kind....I do understand why he thinks this would be your responsibility! I am sorry you are in a crappy situation, but please do not do this for him...let him learn his lesson. If he brings up the SAHM issue you gladly tell him you would love for him to stay home and take care of the kids for a few hours while you take care of a few things! A marriage is about compromise and communication. Not to do each others jobs for them!
    Rebecca727

    Answer by Rebecca727 at 7:47 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I wouldn't. You didn't sign on to be military. And I have to say essay writing? My husband has been military for 17 years and I have never heard of any punishment where you are forced to write essays. Give his CO a call. That will be a pleasant surprise. LOL.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 7:48 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • He needs to stop being a shitbag and be responsible for his actions. He needs to write those essays his own damn self and stop getting into trouble (aka stop being a shitbag). I'm sure his superiors tell him he's a shitbag all the time if he's constantly getting into trouble. I know my husband will tell his underlings that they are.

    Tell him that you are here to support him and take care of the house and your children. You're not his secretary. You are not his employee. Tell him you don't give a damn if he doesn't get to go to sleep tonight, but he's writing those essays himself. It is NOT your responsibility, and if his superiors were to find out that he is not the one writing them, then he'll get into even more trouble, which could include NJP, which would lose you all money.

    So tell him to get off his ass, write his own damn essays and stop being a shitbag.
    kittyhasclaws

    Answer by kittyhasclaws at 7:57 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • i wouldnt
    Dom123123

    Answer by Dom123123 at 8:08 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I am on the third essay now- they are Military Bearing, Discipline in the military and Respecting authority, the last one is an apology. I don't understand what he did to get in trouble so the apology one is going to be tough.. I think he should apologize himself because he is the one who screamed at his 1st sgt! I didn't do it why am I being punished?! GRRR! I only have 300 words done on respecting authority and have run out of things to say.. ugh... my kids want fed and my hands are cramping- they have to be done by hand on college rule paper in black pen and he wants it to look like his handwriting (which is small and cramped and messy) so it is frustrating when I realize I have switched back to my handwriting and have to do the page over!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:30 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • You need to put your foot down (or up his ass) right now!! He is obviously immature and totally disrespectful (of you and his superiors at work) and needs to learn a lessons. Tell him when he gets home that you are NOT the one who keep screwing up and that you are not going to write one more WORD for him!! Oh my gosh, this just makes me so mad I can't even tell you... You need to have enough respect for yourself to stand up to him and tell him NO!!!!!!!
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 8:37 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I have taken my husband's online classes for him, he isn't military and already knows way more than are in those little training videos. BUT, he gets paid to take them so when they come up I do them for him. He LOVES seeing me do them I don't know if it's just the thought of me helping him out or if he gets a little excited watching Mommy learn about cars lol.

    Anyway, I don't mind helping out my well-mannered hard working hubby after the kids are in bed however, I think your hubby might need to learn how to behave himself at work so he stops getting these assignments. (seriously, the military makes them right essays? aren't they a little old for that?) Maybe writing a few himself would tone down his temper a bit, tell him to man up and start writing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • your husband is doing only what you allow him to do. dont do it and see what happens. and then let us know.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 8:48 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • put down the darn pencil and stand up for yourself. ITs not your problem your husband gets in trouble it's his own childness and anger. Maybe he isn't man enough to be in the military, What else does your husband force you to do? And why are you a coward and afraid to tell him no!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 AM on Aug. 19, 2009

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