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Why can't guys and girls just be friends?

I am married to a wonderful man who when we were dating and even engaged introduced me to his male friends. I became close with two of them in which we would hang out a couple of times at concerts, clubs etc. all with my then financee's blessing. We all lost touch then one of those two friends went through my parents store and by chance asked about me and gave his number. I called and we talked. HE Now is married with a young child. He asked me out to lunch but I DIDN'T GO. We continued to talk on the number he gave me usually in the morning or afternoon which happened to be more convenient for both of us we texted, and IM. My husband knew all this even saw some messages. Meet friends wife. Things go well. Five days later I am public enemy number. Explained in a letter by wife: I am contacting him too much, on his cell at times shes not there. Refrain from any contact. I just met her but agreed. What do I do if he contacts me?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:24 PM on Aug. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Honestly, I'd not talk to him and tell him that you are respecting his wife's wishes. It really is the right thing to do, you havent been around for awhile, and maybe she isnt secure in her marriage. I can understand both sides of it, but I really think the right thing to do is to tell him you wont maintain a relationship with him at this moment, out of respect for his wife. Lots of times in this sort of thing ends up in some sort of affair........
    SuperMomof3kids

    Answer by SuperMomof3kids at 10:42 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • Respect the wife's wishes. He is her man, respect that.
    Tell him (or remind him) what you agreed to and don't respond to his contact.
    RedRowan

    Answer by RedRowan at 10:43 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I'm with the other's ...respect his wife's wishes. I think it is difficult for men and women to have friendships with the opposite sex once their married. It's one thing for a guy to spend time with the guys, and a woman to spend time with the girl's, but when a guy spends time with another woman...or vice versa, it feels like that is time that's been taken away from the spouse. It's fine and comfortable when it's two couples, but when it's one on one it rarely works.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:57 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • Well, your question askes why guys and girls can't just be friend and the answer to this q is that guys and girls CAN be just friends. I have had a male friend for 12 or 14 years. He is friends w/my dh too.
    It really sounds complicated-your particular situation. I would NOT answer this man if he contacted me again. You really have let this go to far! You must have boundries when it comes to male/female friendships. Actually I think it is pretty clear where your situation is headed. Even if you don't think he is more than a "bud" he might be feeling otherwise. I would respect the wife's position.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I can guarantee you that he wasn't telling his wife that you and he had been talking so much. I am going through a situation like this right now where my husband got a little to close to one of my girlfriends. They started out as 'just friends'...texting and calling...but I didn't know and they didn't feel the need to tell me. 4 months later, they are involved in an emotional affair together...I just found out about this LAST WEEK! I left him for a week and he broke off contact with her via speakerphone with me there when he found out I was leaving him. He has since agreed to marriage counseling, being accountable to me, allowed me to block her phone numbers to his cell in our cell plan...everything I've asked for he's agreed to...so, I'm staying and we are going to try to work this out...we'll see how it goes. My guess is after the meeting the wife realized you and he had some sort of 'connection' and she did some
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • investigating and found all those texts and phone calls and IMs and wasn't comfortable with her husband giving so much time and attention to another woman so she put a stop to it...and good for her, she did the right thing. Respect the wife's wishes...don't contact him again and if he contacts you, knowing his wife disapproves, then you will know he wasn't wanting to be 'just a friend' with you...and you will have saved yourself a HUGE disaster down the line. I am never friends with men my husband isn't friends with and I never talk to my male friends without telling my husband. And I NEVER, EVER allow myself to get close to his guy friends...and now he understands why and now it's a rule in our marriage from here on out...no be-friending the other's friends...at least not in anything beyond a handshake when we see them or socialize with them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

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