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I feel horrible

about a yr and a half ago, only a few months before i got married, i had an incident with another man. Nothing serious. Just a few kisses on the face and some cuddle time. Well, my DH called me when this was happening and was rightfully pissed that i was not at home and that i was with ppl he had never met. And stupid me, (and i still dont know why i did this) but i lied to him. I told him nothing happened and i hid things from that moment on. I flirted with other guys and things, never with any intention of ever cheating. ...but i was very inappropriate with other men. ...Well, i was feeling horrible about myself and i havnt committed any of these acts for about 6 months or so. my DH just found out about everything. And i confessed and i cried. And he has forgiven me, and loves me just the same. ...but now, how do i forgive myself? How do i move past what i have done? i am Pagan so plz keep bible stuff to a min. TIA


Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Aug. 19, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Why does everyone think that monogamy is the default setting for human relationships? It isn't. Look, what is that has you upset? The idea that you should feel guilty because you did what you wanted to do? Or are you upset because you broke an ideal you wanted to uphold or thought you should uphold? Whatever it is, you've got to make peace with your actions before you can move beyond this point.

    I don't see what you did was wrong beyond the lying. I don't believe there is ever a good reason to lie. You were not married at the time so what was the big deal. Even if you were married, still- what's the big deal? Everyone needs physical contact of one kind or the other.

    Don't make the mistake in trying harder in your relationship in an effort to make up for a perceived mistake. You need to know what you want before trying to give others what they want. Same goes for love. You must love yourself first.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 11:45 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I'm not seeing where you have done anything to forgive. Are you thinking that encouraging attention from others as what needs to be forgiven? Humans like attention. It's a natural thing. As far as I can see, nothing is to be forgiven. You are wasting energy on something not worth wasting energy over. You are cheating your family out of positive energy by dwelling on it. When you love them (and hopefully yourself) enough you will free yourself of this unnecessary guilt.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:53 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • Well all I can say is that the truth no matter how much it hurts can heal a relationship... I almost didn't marry my hubby because of his lies but I put them aside and married him anyways... he just now admitted some stuff that happened before we were engaged(but together) and it made me feel alot better that he finally told the truth when the whole time I already knew....

    In time you will be able to forgive yourself but you need to first figure out why you would act this way AFTER you were married...

    Answer by orkibe3 at 10:54 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • I think you should meditate on the reason you sought others attention rather than focusing on forgiving yourself. Once you realize the answer to that question then you will know what to do.


    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 11:09 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • if it makes any difference. DH is deployed and we have never spent more then a month together at any one time. I know that doesnt excuse my actions, but i KNOW my DH respects me more then to do what i did to him.

    maybe some sort of mental and physical cleansing would help? ...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • Focus on making good decisions and as time passes, you'll start to feel better about yourself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • If that is the case then I think your just starved for attention. You need to learn ways to better your relationship long distance. I assume you are able to send emails or snail mail to him? Why not write stories to him, get dressed up and send him pictures. Do something that is erotic for him to think about so when he comes home you can both have lots more fun. The anticipation will make it all the more wild. Get him in on it to. He needs to show you his love even though he is not physically with you.


    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 11:26 PM on Aug. 19, 2009

  • well I can only offer what I know to be true and that comes from knowing who TRUTH is.
    We all have a concience (sp?) and we all know when we do wrong. My dog and cat know when they have done something that they knew not to do.
    I see where everyone is coming from because they all believe different from one another.
    Since I know the pain of being cheated on and know the scars that it can leave I will speak fro that.
    I never deserved my husband cheating on me and he never lied. Sometimes I almost wish he would have.
    The 1st 10 years of our marriage was he did what ever he felt like & I stayed anyways because I loved him.
    I don't know if I could have made it these 34 years with someone that shared his intimate self with someone other than me if it had not been for his getting a relationship with God/Jesus.
    That is what changed him. He is the One that made my husband feel ashamed He repented and changed.
    Only JC can satisfy

    Answer by bloodbought at 4:36 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I love how you said "easy on the bible stuff" cuz i was about to lay it on ya! Just kidding, first of all give yourself some credit, you admited to it and that is huge. also its great that your man is willing to forgive you and keep going in the marriage. You are obviously remorseful and that is big on the side of forgiving yourself. Guilt is sometimes good, but if its unproductive then what is it good for? As for the comment by isabellalecour, I do believe it is important to honor your mate by being loyal even if you were not married, you were commited to being together and that counts for alot! Only time will really heal this, we recenlty went thru somthing like this and its daily better. If you are willing, God will hear you out, prayer doesn't have to be fancy, you can talk to God just like this, after all He hears your thoughts and knows your heart, he made you. I will pray for you and your fam.

    Answer by cynthiaesquivel at 4:51 AM on Aug. 20, 2009