Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What do I do, I found out I have Lupus & fibromlygia. And im Depressed

What do I do, I am so depressed. I feel lost. Like im alone. People are here around me. And yet no one seems to understand what im going through. Or maybe they just dont care. I dont know. But im lost. And hurting. I feel like Im excepted to do things for everyone, listen to there problems. Be there when they need me. Take them places. And even deal with everything else. Plus im a mom to two kids and a stepson. Im so depressed , stressed and ready to just through in the towl. What would you do ? How would you go about making things better for you and everyone you love at the same time ? With out hurting anyone.


Asked by MOMofTwo_99_00 at 4:04 AM on Aug. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (137 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • i am so ooo sorry. my grandma and my SIL have fibromyalgia and they are always in so much pain. they aren't on this site, but i am. become my friend and we can chat. ill listen to all your pain from this and all your everyday life things for when you want normalcy. lol. much love girl! you can get through this depression. :) HUGS!!!!!!

    Answer by honeybee429 at 8:23 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Aww.. first off i am so sorry that you are going thru this especially that you feel alone. I know that we will all face hard times, but its when you go thru this with someone that gets you thur it easier. I am not sure if you believe in God, but he is there. He wants to be the one to comfort you and tell you its gonna be ok. If you are willing, pray that God help you get thru this and that he bring people to surround you and support you thru this tough time. I will pray for you and your family. Hang in there, things will get better.

    Answer by cynthiaesquivel at 4:24 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • The first thing you need to do is tell your doctor your depressed. Have your husband go to the appt. with you so the doctor can explain to him the fatigue and pain associated with these diseases. Get all the information you can get. Not sure how old your children are, but bet honest with them. As honest as you can be at there age level. Join auto immune/lupus forums here at cafemom and the web. Learn that your not alone and there are people that understand your pain, anxiety and frustrations.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 5:35 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I am sorry - I know exactly how you feel - I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and sjogrens (which is closely related to lupus). If you are depressed, medications can help. I've been on welbutrin in the past and it did seem to help alleviate the depression. As far as others expecting you to do things for them - the two conditions you have aren't easy for others to "see" so they usually assume you're okay. You just have to learn to tell people NO. Does your husband understand the pain, physically and emotionally, that you're in. If you can get him to understand things will be a whole lot easier. As far as the kids, particularly if they're young, they may not understand. Do what you can to keep their life as normal as possible - as moms, sometimes we have to ignore a little pain. Talk to your doc about medication. Good luck.

    Answer by missanc at 8:35 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • You must decide what you are able to do without putting too much stress on yourself. Then whenever anyone asks you to do anything, you decide whether or not doing it is going to make your life miserable or whether it will actually bring you joy to do it. Then you give your answer based on whatever you decide. If saying "no" hurts someone else, that is not your problem. They can ask someone else or not, but you are not obligated to do something just because you are asked. You don't have to be ugly. You just tell them you can't do it this time and that you are sorry. That's it. It's called having personal boundaries and it is an absolute must that you have those. There's even a book that you should read. It's BOUNDARIES by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It will be of tremendous help to you right now.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:55 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I was diagnosed with Lupus a year ago and let me tell you...the words 'no' and 'can you help me' have become my best friend. My husband has been pretty good about understanding and helping and taking care of me. He has talked to the doctors and done the research to find out what we are up against and this gave him a clear understanding of my pain and daily struggles. This means he's keyed into how I'm feeling and he can tell when I'm not feeling well and need an extra hand. He's very good about telling me 'Go rest...I'll handle the kids/dinner/laundry/etc.' Also, find another friend with an autoimmune disorder. One of my BFFs has severe colitis and she is my go-to gal when I just need to whine, bitch and complain...she understands and never gets tired of listening to me, nor I to her. You have to reach have to tell your friends and family you need this help. Good luck! Feel free to PM me if you like.

    Answer by mizkaye at 10:00 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Yes, get in one of these groups that deals with this. I recommend the one owned by Stvmen, called Fibro sisters, or something like that. Those women DO know how you feel and can be supportive. Im sorry youre feeling so alone. Youre really not alone.

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:09 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • From my experience Fibromyalgia is something that happens to women who refuse to say NO. They go go go, volunteer for everything and don't take care of themselves. Then they wonder why they are walking around with a knot in their stomachs. Say NO put your feet up and enjoy your bon bons and TV. Then go burn off some stress with some serious cardio exercise.  Take up yoga.   As they say on the airplane, place the oxygen mask over your own face before trying to help others.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Anon11:02, perhaps you should read up on Fibromyalgia. It happens to anyone, anytime. It can be from tramatic injuries, to healthy athletics It happens to soccer moms who over extend themselves to a bonbon eating couch potato. Its real and it stinks. Low impact excercise is important. I dont think someone who is so fatigued they cant hardly get out of bed is gonna be doing serious cardio excercise. I wish it was that easy. Good try but from someone who has it........your advice is not so great.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Aug. 20, 2009