Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

who was in the wrong here?

my SIL and her 1 year old are staying with me during her entire 2 week leave from iraq. She hasn't seen her daughter in 5 months. Anyway, she's been staying out til 4 am and my husband has been gettin up at night with our neice. I have my own child to take care of plus i'm 8 months pregnant. So this morning, I was up early with my daughter, husband was at work, and our neice woke up. SIL came pouring in late as usual, she put her daughter in the exersaucer, threw some cheerios in it then went back to bed, assuming I'd watch her kid. I was sooo pissed. I grabbed my daughter and went to the store. I was pretty loud about it so my SIL would hear me leave. I don't understand why she doesn't want to spend more time with her kid who she won't see for another 7 months after she goes back in a couple days, and then stays out late and expects everyone else to take care of her. What a shitty mom!


Asked by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Aug. 20, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Ok, this is a no-brainer. She doesn't have her priorities straight, sorry. Both my husband and SIL were on leave at the same time and you better believe they were spending their few precious weeks with family and close friends. Of course, everyone deserves time to go out and have fun, but then don't come home at 4am and expect someone else to take care of your kid. God forbid something happens to her when she goes back, she'll wish she had spent more time with her daughter and less time out til dawn. What a dumbass.

    Answer by tnm786 at 1:56 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Sounds like she doesn't care about being a mom.

    Answer by ldsdragonmom at 10:36 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • shes ignorant. that is a lousy parent and i would tell her what she is doing is wrong tell her to get out but keep her baby if she doesnt want to deal (cant kick a baby out). Where is ur brother in all of this??

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Very sad! Who takes care of her child while she's in Iraq? Sounds like her daughter would be better off with them permanently. OTOH - I wouldn't leave an untended to one year old in my house either.

    Answer by missanc at 10:41 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Reading what you wrote, I can understand why you and your husband feel at wits end. But let me just play devil's advocate here...Could it be that she doesn't want to get too attached to her daughter since she knows she is only here for two weeks - and vice versa, the daughter getting too attached to Mommy? If she were to throw herself into the 'mom' thing for a whole two weeks, it would - I am guessing - make leaving again for 7 mos. just horribly, gut-wrenchingly hard. Plus, the mental anguish of being away and not knowing from one day to another if she really will make it home safely for good since she's in a war-ravaged country across the world - not having ever been in that situation, I can only imagine how she may feel, what she goes through on a daily basis.. Have you tried talking to her, asking her what's up? Oh, and congratulations on your new bundle of joy coming soon! :-)

    Answer by edcmyangels at 10:48 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I would throw her ass out and keep the kid!! I wouldn't allow her back until she wanted to be a full-time parent to her child!!

    Answer by newlifewith3 at 11:19 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • What a horrible thing to say. This woman is serving her country and in a war zone. She never knows if she'll be alive one day to the next. I'm sure she loves her child but like so many young ppl she is trying to cram a lot of living into a short period of time in case her life is cut short in Iraq. If watching her child for a short time is your only bit to supporting the troops then I think you should do it without complaining. Just think what she's doing for you and your family 24/7. Be more appreciative of what she does and less critical of what she's not doing.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:37 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Sorry if she loved her child she would be spending time with her. Partying would be the last thing on her mind. My sil and bil are in the military when they were both deployed the kids stayed with me. They both managed to come home at the same time for 3 weeks and they spent every second with the kids. Sure it was hard when they left but they knew if something happened to either one of them theirs kids last memories and their own last memories would be of that time they spent together. Just because a woman has a child does not mean she is mother material.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • YOU HAVE NO IDEA what its like to be in a combat zone. She is obviously going through PTSD! (Post traumatic stress disorder) She needs help and not to be put down like this! I have been over there and I know EXACTLY what its like to come home and have all these things you want to accomplish and have a short time to try and destress a little before going back. Give her a effing break. YOU GO OVER THERE TO THAT HORRIBLE PLACE FOR A WEEK, I DARE YOU, AND THEN SAY THESE THINGS ABOUT HER!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Shame on you for leaving that little girl alone by herself!! What if SIL was so passed out that she couldn't hear her crying if she fell out of the exersaucer or worse, choked? YOU are obviously on the same page as your SIL if you want to start pointing fingers around. You knowingly left a child in the care of someone who was incapacitated. That is a form of neglect. What kind of a mom does that?!?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Aug. 20, 2009