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how do i get my independence back?

i love my baby . she is my world. her father is a great father. but he is so controlling. so unpleasant to be around and i feel so lost. im scared and just want to make the right decision. i feel like im giving up, like im failing our wonderful daughter. i feel selfish thinking that i feel like i cant do this much so sad. and just want the old me back, before he stripped me of everything, before he made me hide the real me. if he hates me so much why does he make it so hard to leave? i don tknow what he wants from me. help ladies.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Aug. 20, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • he doesn't want you to leave bc he loses his control over you. I had to leave a controller one time and it's not easy but I had to find "me" again or I felt like I'd die. I never regretted it. I didn't feel guilty about the kids bc without me being the true "me" again I was no good to them either. I had to teach my daughters to be independent and strong and to embrace who they were as females not to enmesh and become an extension of some man. I'm glad I did it as both have grown into strong independent women who can make it on their own if they choose to. They found good men who appreciate them as they are.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:22 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • control=abuse
    call your local abuse center
    they can help
    and you can be anon if you like

    Answer by boredmom44 at 12:27 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Your never going to be the person you were before you had kids. They change you. But the only way your going to not be controlled is to leave him.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 12:27 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • If he's controlling, abusive and you're afraid for yourself, he's not a good father...A good father, treats the mother of his child with respect and love, despite if thier together or should never be afraid of anyone but since you are, you need to leave.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:36 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • You changed when you had your daughter and you'll be different forever now but what he is doing is not right. It starts with control and only gets worse. Many times it leads to physical abuse. Unless he's willing to change, and they generally aren't, leaving is the answer.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:37 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time. I perfectly understand what you are saying.
    Have you considered attending a co-dependency group in your area. Maybe your church offers this classes. Online you can find information about these groups also. Don't give up! Do you have anyone who can help you with your baby so that you can go out and find a support group to help you through this? You need to take care of yourself and your baby first. Go Get Help! Do this for your baby. I wish you the very Best.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • What does he do that's controlling? More info, please.

    Answer by Mousuke at 1:37 PM on Aug. 20, 2009