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Should I move and forget about trying for my son to have a relationship with his father?

I had a baby with a guy who I didn't know very long. He and I didn't last very long after my son was born and he moved to a city about 70 miles away. He immediately went to back to his ex and asked her to marry him. Yes I understand that is where his heart really was. They got married, had a baby and are just the happiest couple in the world. He really hasn't tried to have a relationship with our son. He see's him maybe 4 times a year but doesn't even take him over night to their house. He pays his child support but has no involvement in my son's life. I have an opportunity to move with a guy I've been dating and I really want to but I'm torn that perhaps my son's father will want to be a part of his life and my son isn't here. My son't father told me to go but what if he realizes it's a mistake later? What do I do? I can't just think of myself. My son will start kindergarten soon so I have to make a decision.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Aug. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Go he obviously doesn't want a relationship with his son. His loss!

    Answer by jenree33 at 3:30 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • If you know the guy you are going with is good and you'v e been with him for a while I would go. I wouldnt stay on the chance he MAY change his mind. Your son would be better off with a good full time step dad than a 4 times/ yr bio dad.

    Answer by ria7 at 3:30 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • go.. ur son has a new daddy!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • quit cheating your son out of happiness now bc you are waiting for something to happen between he and daddy that is obviously not going to happen.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:45 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Honestly, and this happens a lot. I don't think he wanted a kid with you. If he's happy with his wife and his new kid then that's what he wanted out of life. He's doing the "right" thing by paying for the kid he created but didn't want. So let him have his life and you and your son go have your life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • If you think your new bf will be a good father figure to your son then go. An involved man, even if he shares nothing genetically with him will be more valuable than a disinterested sperm donor. If you're not sure what sort of a father figure he'd be then decide based on what's best for you. You're the only one parenting your child. If you put your life on hold based on what the bio dad 'might' someday want, you'll not be happy. If you're unhappy your boy will know. You'll be a better parent if you're happy and getting on with your life, in my opinion. Good luck.

    Answer by wildtamer at 3:56 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • What kind of relationship do you have with this other guy? Do you think there is marriage/long term relationship with him? How does your son feel about this guy? Will you be taking your son away from other family he knows? I think all of this needs to be considered before worrying the birth dad situation.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 4:40 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Well if the dad is ok with it, and your son knows this new guy and gets along with him then yes, move. Dad obviously has a new family and is not a big part of your son's life. I think if he wanted to be in your sons life he would have made the effort by now. I would suggest that if you do move, to let dad know that he is welcome to still be apart of son's life- if he wants, and is welcome to visit or have son go visit him.

    Answer by MizLee at 5:19 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

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