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What do you think of this MIL situation?

My ex mother in law was always pretty good to me. She was a little on the stubborn side, but over all I really loved her. She had a stroke last year, and it left her with the inability to communicate well, she can understand you but you basically can't understand her very well. My husband has really stepped up to the plate in caring for her, but in the process our marriage crumbled. We were on shaky ground befor this happened, because he would not work, would not help me in any way and let his mother raise his daughter. Well, he still doesn't have a job and he devotes all his time to his mother. I wish he had that kind of passion to save our marriage, we would have been together forever....what do you think about this...did he go to the extreme or is it just normal for someone to let something like this become their life?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Aug. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • i think u need to sit down and have an adult conversation and ask how he feels about ur marriage! ask him if he is happy. sounds like hes not. Then again y would u want to be with a free loader? no one needs to b with someone that doesnt help out!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • *OP* I have tried too, but I don't think he's willing to work on it anymore. I really believe he just wants to concentrate on his mom. His daughter even told me she feels neglected by him, so she comes and stays with me some. I don't think we will be getting back together....

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • that's his mom for goodness sakes. she needed him. I'm guessing he thought you didn't need him. A lot of women make that mistake. They do it all and the man feels like he's not needed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • A man can help his mother without letting it ruin his marriage. It's completely unnatural to let one's parents come between them and their spouse, health problems or not. If he really is no help to his wife, won't hold down a job, neglects his own daughter well, it seems like he doesn't want to be an adult and have an adult life.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:54 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I think your husband probably lacked confidence in himself and in his abilities. He has now found something that he can do that makes him feel needed and appreciated, two things that are extremely important to every man I know. I am also sure that even though his mom may not be able to speak it, she communicates to her son in some fashion that she loves him and appreciates what he is doing for her. The other side of that coin is that she can also not be constantly complaining and nagging him about what he is not doing. So your husband has found fulfillment and joy in himself and what he is doing. I say good for him!

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:09 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

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