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I've got it pretty good, but...

I'm very blessed in my life. I have a good job, a nice apartment, nice car, and while I'm by no means rich, I do have some money left over after I pay my bills. I have awesome friends who are there for me whenever I need them. I've been separated for 4 months now, the divorce will be filed and final in October, but our marriage was over long before that. I know and see how blessed I am, so why do I still feel lonely? I KNOW I do not need a man to complete me, or to define me, but I'm so lonely for male companionship and I get so depressed sometimes. Maybe it's where my marriage wasn't a very good one, maybe I'm just longing for a real, grown up relationship...I don't mean to sound like I'm whining, I would just like some input. Nice advice is welcome LOL.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:02 PM on Aug. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Well because i beleave that is how we are made to need one another. And it is understandable when i marriage fails to feel a longing and some even blam theirselves. I would take some time out getting to know yourself and spening time with your kids and then see what happens. spend some time in church and pray, God loves us and complets us perfectly
    angels4262

    Answer by angels4262 at 4:05 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • It sounds as though you have yourself together. The feeling of loneliness may be because your marriage really is over, and it is like the death of your dreams for the marriage, and it will take a while to get over it. You seem wise to know that you are a strong woman and can move forward now. It is a good time to meet new people, take classes, be active in a religious or charitable organization, or a community help organization, or a club. Remember that song from King and I about whistle a happy tune? If she whistles a happy tune then before she knows it she's convinced herself that she is happy. Carry your head high and keep your positive outlook.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:06 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I don't know if it would work for you, after my marriage went into the toilet (best way to describe it) I decided to start doing things that "I" wanted to do. One thing I wanted to do for a very long time, but the ex never really wanted to...was go camping. I started collecting stuff I could use for just me. I even found a 'camping and hiking' type class at the local community college and enrolled. I thought that making myself happy first was the important thing. And who knows it might have helped me find someone that was also interested in camping.
    I did find someone like that...although not in the class...or in the woods. Plus he loves to fish as well....something else I'd always wanted to learn. I don't catch much...but we have fun, when we can find the time to go.
    My point is make yourself happy first...it's a great way to make new friends..even if it never leads to anything else. Oh blast...not enough
    daisy521

    Answer by daisy521 at 4:21 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • ...room! lol

    I had a friend tell me this when I was 'wallowing in despair' as he put it....(which I was) Turn my life into the dream that "I" wanted....make it into the perfect cupcake....then when my perfect guy came along...it would be the icing on top!

    What can I say...my friend was a cooking student...he used food to describe everything!

    Good luck
    daisy521

    Answer by daisy521 at 4:23 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • it's normal to feel like that. Just get back out and make friends, male and female friends.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:41 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • A part of you left when your husband departed. That's the way we are designed. The two become one. The longer you are together, the more true that becomes, but even though you may not have been married for that long, there's a part of you that is missing that you will never get back. The loss of that part of yourself will likely become less intense with the passing of time, but I don't think you will ever recover the part of yourself that you gave to your mate. That's the way God made us. That's why marriage was designed to last for a lifetime. That's why it is so important to make the right choice when we marry. That's why it is worth the time and effort that it takes to keep working on the selfish parts of us that none of us wants to give up. There has to be lots of bending and giving and taking to make a marriage work. There is no such thing as "happily ever after" apart from some pain.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:16 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • O.K. the loss of a relationship is painful. This is an especially painful one because we go into it with the expectation of happily ever after. You obviously loved your mate or you would not have married him. So you have lost a love, you feel rejected, you have lost a dream or an ideal. It's not surprizing that you would feel lonely, depressed, etc. Give yourself a while to heal and the freedom to grieve.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 6:30 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

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