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My biological mom found me back in 1997 and we've established some type of relationship, but not a close one. My daughter-in-law is expecting our first grandchild in August and my bio mom wants to come to visit as soon as she hears the baby is born. I would prefer that she'd wait a couple of weeks. It's not a moment I really wanted to share with her right away (my adopted mom passed away in 1996; I'd have no problem sharing the moment with her) Am I being selfish? How do I convey my wishes

New grandchild on the way; how to tell my biological mom to wait a couple of weeks after the baby is born for a visit.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Jun. 23, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • I would call her when the baby is born, but say that the mom requested that guests not come for a few weeks after the baby is born. If your bio-mom doesn't already have a tight relationship with your daughter-in-law it would be really uncomfortable for her if your biomom showed up at the hospital. Just tell her you will send pictures, etct, but that the DIL really doesn't want a lot of visitors until they get settled in.
    sapient

    Answer by sapient at 12:20 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • Does you son/DIL have a relationship with your bio mom? If so, they will have to make the call. If not, I would be honest and say you would like some alone time to be the grandma and ask her if she would come see the baby after everyone is settled at home? You will give her a call then. I would have ambilvalent feelings about including her too. And I am sure you are wishing your adoptive mom was here to share it with you. That is alot to take in at once and I could see why you would want to handle one thing at a time.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 12:26 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • Just explain that the "new" family does not want a lot of company or chaos while they adjust and get to know the new additon to the family. I would not single her out, I would make it a general announcement saying "We would welcome all visits after this date______ , we are taking a bit to get used to our new little person. She will not be offended if it is for everyone. I am sorry that you lost your mom, No one is able to take the place of a mom. It is a loss. I am glad that you found your biological mom though, bonds do not happen over nite. Sometimes they take years. take care and good luck
    MommasCooCoo

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 12:29 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • Does you son/DIL have a relationship with your bio mom? If so, they will have to make the call. If not, I would be honest and say you would like some alone time to be the grandma and ask her if she would come see the baby after everyone is settled at home? You will give her a call then. I would have ambilvalent feelings about including her too. And I am sure you are wishing your adoptive mom was here to share it with you. That is alot to take in at once and I could see why you would want to handle one thing at a time.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 12:29 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

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