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How/when did you know you wanted to adopt? Am I nuts for thinking about it?

Out of the blue, it occured to me today that I would really consider adopting another child in the future. I have a 6 mos. old. I would consider another girl under 10yrs. old of any race. I would love to give a young girl a family. My husband and I are both professionals (he is in education) and I know we have a lot to offer. My husband worries that we'll be stuck with a kid whose background/genetics we know nothing about and that adoptive kids struggle when they are raised with biological kids.

If you adopted, when did you know you wanted to and why? Was your husband cool with it? How did you convince him? Can adoption be a negative thing?

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:58 PM on Aug. 20, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (11)
  • I was adopted at the age of 7, and I defy anyone to tell me that my relationship with my parents is in any way deficient. I would argue, instead, that I am closer to my parents than most biological children are with theirs.

    I am presently pregnant with my first child, and we have already started the process of adopting a baby from S. Korea. We have always wanted to adopt, so started trying for both at the same time. I just happened to get pregnant first. We expect to bring our second child home the summer of 2011.

    I have known several families where kids were both biologically related and adopted. They have their ups and downs, just like any family, but as long as the parents are consistent in their love and discipline, the families are just as close as any.

    You and your husband should go to an orientation meeting at a local adoption agency-- they'll be able to help you decide if this is right for you.

    Answer by Busimommi at 8:04 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • IMO I don't understand the need to adopt an infant if you are able to have your own.If you are talking about adopting a child,any age, from foster or an international child from an orphanage then you are a very special mom indeed. If this is what you are thinking refine your question a bit because there are moms here who have done that and they would probly tell you how to get started.I have a close friend who has a bio. child then they adopted a very young girl,13 months at start. fromchina.She is 7 now and happy.There is no difference on the parents part as to bio vs adopt.the whole family is a h appy one.Good luck

    Answer by drfink at 11:53 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • drfink-
    It's not for you to understand why people adopt when they are able to have biological children. The OP never specified adopting an infant... she stated under 10. That leaves a huge age range. Why do you refer to her as a special mom if she wants to adopt from an orphanage, etc? Just curious...

    OP- I am the adoptive mother to a little girl from China and a biological child. We lost a child 6 yrs ago at birth, then adopted our daughter, then got pregnant again. We talked about it on our first date at 16. We found out that both of us wanted to adopt from China one day.
    Not all children have issues, though it is not rare for it to occur. However, it can easily occur with a bio child as well.
    My first suggestion is to decide which route you wish to take- foster-adopt, private, open, closed, domestic infant adoption through and agency/attorney, or international. Research attachment/bonding as well.
    Pm me for more info

    Answer by mcginnisc at 7:46 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • I knew I was going to adopt since I was in middle school. My husband knew when he met me that adoption was the way to expand our family. As far as your husband's concerns, he has some legitimate things to think about. As a social worker I have seen many well intentioned foster families struggle with children who have needs beyond what they were prepared to assist with. If you decide to foster a child or children, be honest with your social workers about what you can realistically assist with. For example, you may be okay with a child who has issues with not telling the truth frequently but do not have the time to take a child to their many speech and occupational therapy appointment (as in they have an appointment three days a week). Or perhaps you are not comfortable with a child who masturbates any where any time but a child who is extremely active is something you have the energy for. It is about what needs you can


    Answer by frogdawg at 9:18 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • There is actually a lot of research about adoptiing out of birth order, regardless of whether the other child is biological. There often can be problems when the younger child is old enough to know that he/she is no longer the oldest. Your current child sounds a little too young for that to be an issues.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • can meet for a child who enters your home. It is a matter of being honest with the amount of time, energy, and knowledge you have. There are children who need homes and they do come with issues. You would too if you were removed from your home (for whatever reason) and placed with people you don't know. That would be expected. It is to what degree and what other things are going on. The reality is that if you want to adopt a child in the foster care system their is a child somewhere out there who you can meet their needs.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:35 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • OP here. Thank you all. I am thinking about adopting a girl anywhere from 1-10 yrs. old. I want a large family but to be honest, the thought of going through another pregnancy and the infant years scares me. I know many minority children out there need families and I want to help (I am bi-racial). I brought the subject up to my husband and he was surprisingly for it. He said "let's raise the baby a little more first, but I'd definitely be up for it." So I am excited. He teaches at a very elite private school, so the child would get to go there for free-- a wonderful opportunity for anyone. I would like to go through the foster care system.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Good luck and God bless, it sounds like you really can help a child. Since you have some time before you are planning to get started, I would recommend looking at the site for the Dave Thomas Adoption foundation. They have a really good packet that explains the foster care process in some depth. You also can find waiting children websites for each state all over the web. It seems like most healthy children who are already available for adoption are in the 7 yrs old or older range but that would still meet your hopes. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • My older sister was adopted. I knew at a very young age that I would adopt my kids. What I didn't know was that they would be my nieces first. I didn't know that I would be infertile. I just knew that I would adopt my kids.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 5:32 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Adoption is an awesome option. There are millions of kids waiting both in the US and abroad. Adoption presents unique challenges, but with education, determination and what I call the "God factor", there is nothing too big to overcome!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

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