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Do you think this is wrong of my mother?

okay, me and my husband have been going through a lot and we were separated but now are talking about getting back together. Throughout our whole relationship problem my mother has been there for me and it's no secret that she doesnt like him and she doesn't want us to be together. Well she already expressed that she wouldn't be there for me if I stayed w/ him. I was in shock. Now i have to choose b/t my husband and my mother? I don't think its fair for me and its adding stress on me. But in all honesty it's whats keeping me from making a final decision to stay w/ my husband. What should i do? and is she wrong for this?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:34 PM on Aug. 20, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • i dont think her saying that means you have to choose. she just wont support you. which fine let it be, maybe she wants a relationship with you not your husband. and if she means she wont talk to you anymore and you have to choose, shes always your mother, and shes always gonna be there. do what you feel is right in your heart. your mother will never truly turn her back on you . . . it may take some time but in the end youre still her little girl and shes still your mom!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I think if you want to reconcile with your Husband then you should. I am sure your Mother would come around sooner or later (not saying she will like him, but come around on you all reconciling).
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 7:39 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • shes wrong. your going to regret it if you pick your mom over the love of your life. she should love you no matter what and its not her life. my best friend is with someone i hate. but i still treat her the same and im still there for her and i dont talk bad about him cause i know she luvs him. and it would hurt her..... mom will eventualy get over it and come around. in the bible it says your husband comes before everyone even the kids...........but on the other hand if he is treating you wrong then dnt go back
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • That tends to happen since instead of working your problems out like an adult you ran to your mother and vented everything out to her. So, naturally she doesn't like him because she loves you and she's trying to protect you because she's your mother. Next time you have a problem with your husband, you stay and work it out with your husband and don't vent your problems out with family members because when you do, of course they are going to side with you but if you two get back together, they are going to have issues with it. Unless it's an abusive situation, stay and work it out. If it is abusive, you shouldn't even think about trying to work it out.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 7:43 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • This is the problem with telling your mother/family/friends about what your husband has done to you. They hate him FOREVER. Even when you forgive, they cannot, because they are not the ones who are in love with him.

    The answer is simple. The love from your mother should not be conditional upon THIS. It is so wrong for her to force you to choose. I hope she doesn't mean it, but if she does - then "goodbye mother, go in peace. I will be here if you change your mind."

    If you treated your mother poorly/abusively - I would disown you.
    If you stole from your mother - I would disown you.
    If you were addicted to drugs and she were enabling you. I would disown you (temporarily).
    If you are hurting yourself (by remaining with your husband or for any other reason). I would pray for you and love you and hope for you; I would not disown you.

    Make your decision based on YOU and your husband only.
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 7:43 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • op
    Thanks guys. She's like my best friend and this is my first serious relationship. I've always been able to depend on her to talk to when I need to so naturally I went to her when we had problems and I see now that was a big mistake. Me and her can be friends but in the end she is my mother and I am her daughter. I agree she'd eventually come around so right now I just have to deal w/ the strained relationship. My husband is not abusive, just made some mistakes that really hurt me but we are both willing to work through it and become better partners to each other. Thanks for the advice!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Let me ask you some questions, lol....are you considering going back with him because you love him or because you feel sorry for him or because you don't want to be alone, or low self-confidence that you might not find someone else? I'm asking because I was in this situation....I'm grateful for my mother....she was right ! completely right ! I'm glad I did not go back to my ex ! I couldn't see straight and she could ! maybe its not fair to have given you the ultimatum, but she's pretty close to the situation, doesn't like him for a reason and obviously loves you.....
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 8:40 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • sometimes we older moms see what you younger women don't see. We want what is best for our children. She obviously saw he had a chance and didn't live up to his potential while you were enmeshed in an emotional attachment. The final decision is your's but talk to mom about her reasons and see what you think then.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:45 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • The real answer lies with, what caused you and your husband to seperate to begin with?
    You don't have to tell us, but some suggestions are:
    Was there infidelity?
    Abuse? Emotional or physical.
    Jealousy?
    Or was it plain old disagreeing that goes on in marriages? If it was the first three, I'm with your mother. Otherwise, just plainly tell her you'll take your chances, he's your husband whom you married "for better or worse", and You've seen the worse, maybe it's gonna get better.
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 9:55 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • from what you tell us..
    you never told us why you seperated from your husband in the first place.
    if your mother is the kind of person that judges a person by their cover than you shouldn't obviously listen to her
    but you have to ask her why she doesn't like him and find out what it is about him that she doesn't like.
    if your mothers a wise person listen to her, i know i would trust my moms instincts on my husband, but thats because she knows a lot about him.
    and if you still have a father, maybe you should ask for his advice/ or another very close family member.
    but if you brokeup for the reason of abuse, or something very bad just remember before you get back together that YOU BROKE UP FOR A REASON.
    but if you love him, and you truely love him, and is his safe and respectful, try talking to your mom again and go for it. if he's honestly not a bad guy then she'll hopefully come around!
    good luck!!! :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

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