Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

age and good parenting

why is it that women that had their first children when they were older look down upon younger mothers? i believe if you are mature enough to want a child and are finacially stable enough for one, why not! it seems that everytime someone my age (19) gets married or pregnant that it means they were irresponsible and now have made a huge mistake! i got married at 18 and me and my husband discussed having a child,we weighed pros and cons and planned it! but it seems though when we married older women accused me of being pregnant and when i go pregnant a year later they assumed it to be an accident! plz explain to me why being a good parent has to come with an age?

Answer Question
 
dilemma1

Asked by dilemma1 at 8:13 PM on Aug. 20, 2009 in Pregnancy

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • it has nothing to do with age at all. you can be 35 and be ahorrible parent or a good parent you can be 19 and be a horrible parent or a good parent. its all about maturity and knowing your priorities and being responsible.
    MomNbabyGirl009

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 8:15 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I don't think it does..but usually older people are old fashioned. They don't see things the way they are..now a days when you get pregnant in your 30's it's high risk. I used to get so many people saying things to me when I was pregnant with my oldest. I was 19 but I look 12 lol! I used to just take it when people told me I look too young to have a baby...but the more I heard it and the closer I got to my due date the less I tollerated it! I told some old lady who told me I looked too you to have a baby she looked too nice to be a bitch and walked off...oopsies hormones! I think if you're in love and responsible...go for it! My Husband and I have been together STRONG since we were 15 and 19 years old , married for 2, we have 2 girls (4 & 2) we're 24 and 28 and SO in love <3 All that matters!
    minimommy816

    Answer by minimommy816 at 8:20 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • It really works both ways. Like PP said, it's about maturity. There are some moms that have babies young and really aren't ready just like there are some moms that have babies in their 30's and aren't ready. The reason that age is a big factor is because brain scans of teens have proven that the brain doesn't stop growing until around age 24-25. The brains of teens specifically lack higher functioning of the prefrontal cortex. This is why teens make rash decisions and really lack the ability to be able to perceive the long term consequences of their actions. The second thing is, education, career and stability come with age. It's rare to find a 19yr old that has all their ducks in a row. The stress of raising child can be major especially when you're young.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 8:25 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I'm an older mom. I was 26 when I got married almost thirty years ago and thirty eight years old when I had my third baby. 26 when I married thirty years ago was considered old and thirty eight when I had my third baby was considered back then, seventeen years ago, ancient. Now 26 is young to get married and 28 to have a baby is an average age.

    I can't believe that no young women you age or a bit older that you pass on the street or know yourself from your wedding and since then aren't glad that they're not you - they're happy that they are you age and they're happy they're not married with a kid.

    Unless you have an inheritance that you've banked plus fantastic paying jobs for where you live and great insurance then you're not financially sound. A car accident, an illness can wipe that out fast and long.

    Women of all ages your age and older speak of what's taught them - their lifes' experiences and what they see.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • i would say being a military family makes us somewhat financially stable as much as you can be in this day...someone with fantastic paying jobs can easily loose that job due to any reason
    dilemma1

    Answer by dilemma1 at 8:34 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • 729 again I'm at the opposite end, op. When I had my third at 38yo 17 years ago younger moms didn't want to socialize with me because I was a stigma. They all then had 1 and 2, 3 kids not more than five years old and I had then an infant a four year old and a 8 year old.

    So I joined baby classes where the focus wasn't on playgroups but on play time organized for my baby and four year old then.

    What I meant in first para was that Now today 26 yo is young to get married and 38 YEARS OLD is now today an average age to have a baby.

    People at your wedding were happy for you finding happiness but the real world is that not everyone wants what you want and think as you do or as I do that my childbearing 'BACK THEN' was proper. Now I'm 55 years old with my oldest 25 years old and my third baby now 17 years old and I'm happy. Moms with babies at 19, 23 are grandmothers three and four times now. I still have that to look for.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:37 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • This coin can be flipped on both sides.
    Older moms can be called irresponsible for waiting too long and increasing their children's risks of mental delays and health problems. They are also going to be dead a good 10-20 years before you are with your child. Boohoo to them.
    Young moms can be called irresponsible because they don't have 20 years worth of pay checks in savings and every detail ironed out before hand. They can also be called children themselves.
    I've been both I had my first child at 21 and my second at 37. I wish circumstances had allowed me to have had my second much earlier. JMHO Younger moms can give their children better lives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • op oh a military family, my husband was in the Army himself right after we were married for 4 years. You are right. The military is good for support for spouses and families for the most part. Not sure about coming home from war. It's hard I know. I used to get up with my husband every day and drive him to base at 4 am so I could have a car for the day. I'd be shopping in Piggily Wiggily at 415 am.

    Too bad churches or communities that are not military can't maintain that support outside of the military.

    Bless you for your support of our military. I agree wtih you now that you're more financially stable than I thought.

    But still save money all that you can. Someday you could be in a life not military, having savings will help you.

    Blessings and Happiness momma for your baby and hubby!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I dont think age has anything to do with being a good parent but i still dont think a 16 year old should be getting pregnant just on the lines that it does kinda mess their lifes up yes having a kid is wonderful and i know no one that has one would ever change that but it also makes it harder to do things you want to do so really age doesnt have anything to do with being a parent in my eyes it's just the wellbeing of that person that should come into play
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:57 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • I don't think that good parenting has much to do with age. you are either prepared or you aren't. granted, i know that for me personally I am going to be a much better parent now at 25 than I would have been at 18. But that's just because I wasn't ready yet. I will say that I wonder about the parenting skills of underage parents that are still in high school and such but it can go either way. I have seen both good teen parents and bad teen parents. There are also good adult parents and bad adult parents. I guess what I am getting at is that it just depends on the person.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 10:06 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN