Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I handle a MIL who is a perfecionist and a manipulator?

My husband and I were talking about just getting married at the courthouse, but his mother said that she didnt like that idea at all. Well, we asked if we could get married in her beautiful back yard (garden)? She said Oh yes, its always been a dream of mine to have a wedding here. Well to her, that meant....she had control over decisions even though my husband and I were planning on paying for everything ourselves. Then his parents offered to pay for a couple things. We accepted. Then she started buying things without me even being there for decorations. She went way overboard on flowers, although the place did look wonderful. Everytime I would mention an idea, she had a better one. ( so to speak) Well now she is taking all the credit for our wedding and saying how ungrateful we are to her for throwing us our wedding. A lot of hands went into it, including ours. She is even talking behind my back to his ex girlfriend. OUCH!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:44 PM on Aug. 20, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • There's nothing you can do about what has happened in the past. What you can do is not allow her to control anything you don't want her controlling from today forward. When you see her start to overstep the boundaries that you have put in place, just tell her "no". She won't like it, but that's okay. You don't have to be mean, but you do have to be firm. Your husband should treat her the same way. The only way to stop a manipulator is to not allow yourself to be manipulated. Just expect her not to like it and know that it's her problem and not yours.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:51 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Get his mother and him together with you and say outright that you yourself want to be involved in everything in your wedding.

    If they freak out you know you're in for more trouble than you've got right now.

    If you don't stand up for yourself now in this most important event in your life then mil dearest will forever rule your world.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Aug. 20, 2009

  • Well, my husband handled it in our case. he stopped talking to her.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:51 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • "if i wanted your opinion i would give it to you!"

    if the wedding has not happened yet, call it ALL off, and do it at the court house and invite any and all YOU AND YOUR HUBBY want to invite.

    if it has happened, oh well, you are ungrateful, and oh too bad for her she got such a gold-digging DIL! (do you believe the last statement/ hear the sarcasm?)

    who gives a fuck what the ex "knows" unless your hubb is a piece of shit, who will go with what an ex, and mother say, OVER HIS WIFE.

    also to beat a manipulator, learn what reactions she wants out of you, and make your own rules, play her game, and throw her for loops. anyone can beat the infamous MIL, it just takes balls, patience, and anticipation as to what will happen next. remember to ALWAYS mind your P's &Q's and YOU WILL WIN!!!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:58 AM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Wow gotta love MIL like that. At least your hubby doesn't have kids like my FI does. My FMIL told him that I grabbed his sons face when I didn't. Cause alot of drama. Oh and she and his step dad are protesting our wedding for whatever reason. Just don't let her get to you make sure your hubby is on your side. There really ins't much you can do with people like that.
    crazymama0286

    Answer by crazymama0286 at 4:08 PM on Aug. 30, 2009

  • keep things private and avoid her.
    lawla

    Answer by lawla at 9:56 PM on Sep. 7, 2009

  • dido
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 12:24 PM on Oct. 17, 2010