Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

DH said another woman's name in his sleep

My DH is good friends with a woman co-worker. They have had a friendship for about the last 3-4 months. He told me that the people at work call her his "work girlfriend" and he's her "work boyfriend." He told me that she caught her DH cheating, but that she's giving him another chance. A few days ago, I picked him up from work and he smelled like vanilla. I asked him why he smelled like that and he said that she dared him to use her lotion. He washed it off right away, apologizing like crazy. Last night, my DH went to bed about 2 hours before me. Before he went to bed he asked me to wake him when I came to bed for some adult fun. We do this every once in awhile, so I said okay. When I came to bed, I woke him by rubbing him in a manly area. He was awake, I could tell by the moaning. He fell back to sleep so I went to sleep. I woke up less than an hour later to hear him say her name. I have been up since then. What do I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:00 AM on Aug. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I know the answers to give you, like talk it out with him and stuff. You have to trust each other.etc.but seriously, I know what you are talking about. I was on the other end where I was in your DH's shoes. I was working in the financial industry full of guys and I'd make friends with them and they would be considered my "work boyfriend" or what have you. And I know those guys had a crush on me even though they had a wife at home. It was all innocent and I agree that I'm a flirt..but I would never ever cheat on my DH. He works as a teacher in a school filled with young hot babes and I absolutely trust him too. He has a baby face and I'm sure he attracts other woman..but it's the trust that's there. You married your DH because you guys love each other. If he was cheating on you, he wouldn't want you to wake him up to whoopie.He'd be getting it from her and he's obviously not. I know it bothers you but it'sallinnocent

    Answer by mschanng at 6:10 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • The whole situation bothers me. Should I even mention to him that he said her name in his sleep? By the way, thank you for responding. I need to wake him up for work in less than an hour and I'm so torn about what to say or how to handle it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:21 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • I don't think it's wrong to tell him what he said in his sleep and ask him how he feels. If you don't ask, it will be eating at you inside. But have confidence in your marriage and in yourself. If you act like and overly obsessive wife, it's more of a turn off to men. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your DH and I'm sure once you get it off your chest, you will feel better. Don't hide your feelings or it will build up to something even bigger.

    Answer by mschanng at 6:29 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are right. I will talk to him. I have never been obsessive, no need to start now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • I would talk to him. Before I became a SAHM I worked mostly with guys (I was military). It doesn't matter if the other woman would ever cheat on her dh or not, or whatever. It's disrespectful to the other person's marriage to flirt and etc with a married man, you don't know what kind of problems you could be causing in their marriage, just because you want to flirt.

    I think you are well within your rights to tell him what he did, and that you have a problem with this, and that you think, even if he isn't cheating, there are some serious boundary issues going on, and that, for your sake, he needs to work on establishing some different ones with this co-worker.

    See what he says and go from there.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:08 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Trust you rman and let him know how you feel. Ask him for teh sake of your relationshiptodistance himself alittlefrom her. I agree with mschanng, if it was something he would not desire you. Remain confident in your relationship and the power you possess, you are his WIFE!

    Answer by 7thdayBeauty at 9:36 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • There's probably a lot more going on at work than you know. Trust me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • we think/dream about things that were on our mind during our waking hours. If she's that close to him then he had thoughts of her on his brain. That's all. Nothing terrible, not like he wants her instead of you. I think I would try to make some changes though. It might be going too far. I'd hate for ppl to think my husband was someone else's boyfriend even just at work. She might think there is hope of hooking up with him if she and her dh don't work out. Then again how can they work out if she's making your man her new bf?

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:44 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • I hope DH stands for Dead Husband! Just kidding. People can't control what goes on in their sub-conscience when they are asleep. I wouldn't automatically assume something is going on. However, a woman's intuition about this sort of thing is usually right. It doesn't sound like anything has happened between them, or that you think so, but that doesn't mean there isn't potential. I would definately talk to him. I would also get to know her. Keep our friends close and our enemies closer (maybe a little harsh in this exact circumstance, but true all the same). Good Luck!

    Answer by HaydensMommy708 at 11:10 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.