Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I feel SERIOUSLY messed up...

I am a christian, thats what I claim anyway. I go to church faithfully, I pray. I read my bible and I tithe. Before my marriage broke up I felt very close to God, very in tune with where I thought my life was going and what God wanted for me. When my marriage fell apart, I feel like I did too. My husband wasn't attentitive to me at all, he spend all his time taking care of his mother, he wouldn't work or help support our family. I kept telling him that someone was going to come along and show me some attention and it was going to be dangerous. Guess what happened? A month before I moved out someone came along, showed me some attention and we started a relationship. That was 5 months ago and we are still going strong. I love this man, I want to be with him, but morally and what I believe I know it's not right. My divorce will be final in october. I feel like I've let God down so much, I feel like such a pathetic loser...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:28 AM on Aug. 21, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (22)
  • Everything happens for a reason and God knows those reasons, we can't understand or explain everything.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 9:30 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • *OP* The guilt is getting to me. Even though I still go to church, I maintain a good relationship with my ex, we have no kids together, but his daughter still comes and sees me because I practically raised her, I still feel guilty and like trash. Every time I leave my boyfriends house I feel like crap, but here's the thing...when I"m with him, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I guess maybe thats why I feel so guilty. If you are a christian with christian beliefs, please give me your input on this...and remember I'm hurting, so if you just want to bash me for my beliefs please keep it to yourself today. I just need some advice and uplifting...thanks in advance.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Aug. 21, 2009


    Answer by older at 9:34 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Do you not think that this was in gods plan? Things have a strange way of unfolding. God could be looking out for you. Maybe he knew the only way you could get the love you need, is to find you someone who truly can give it to you. Why do you feel such guilt? If you are a strong Christian, then you know god will forgive you for anything you feel you have done wrong. God still wants you to be happy, he still wants you to be loved. The love that a man & a woman share is just a fraction of the reflection of gods love. Ask god to stand beside you, & to forgive you for leaving your husband. He understands, and he wants you to be happy.

    Love yourself, let yourself have what you deserve. The legal aspect of your divorce is not final, but the divorce in your heart is final.


    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:39 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • as an xtian, you obviously had read and studied scripture enough to know what God expects of your marital behavior. this is where the guilt is coming from, friend. what i mean is, you know right from wrong. and entering this second relationship outside of your marriage is wrong. how can you expect this relationship to 'work out' if you haven't worked out the first? (God aside, you need to finish what you started.) people will tell you what you want to hear, of course...but i take it God is trying to tell you differently. is he telling you you need to stay in the first marriage? idk..but when you feel something isn't right, you should pay attention. this new guy is wonderful..perhaps because he is not the husband you are so unhappy with. all humans come with flaws, and if you don't deal with or accept the flaws in your husband, you're bound to find new flaws with the second. leave the new one alone, and mend/end the marriage.

    Answer by thehairnazi at 9:52 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • *OP* We are not getting back together, he doesn't want it and neither do I. I did at first, I did everything in my power to save my marriage, even my pastor told me he thought it was time to let go, because my husband just refused to change, and God won't push himself on anyone. We are good friends but I don't think we are meant to be husband and wife. It's been probably the most civil separation and divorce in history,and he knows about my bf. I do wish I met him after my divorce was final though, I don't know why it happened this way I'm just so confused.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • that is why Christianity -imo- is bad.  it just makes you  feel terrible and like a loser. that is why i am now Wiccan.


    Answer by twitchymom78 at 10:08 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Sister God is in the buisness of restoring marriages and he hates divorce. Ask God what He wants you to do. I sadly regretably have done that sinned while claiming to be on fire. My sin was revealed to many and I suffered shame and I felt terrible. I grieved the Holy Spirit. Pray pray!!! Love is a choice! Have you heard of "weekend to remember" seminar google it :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • It wouldn't matter what religion you are, chances are that you'd still have these emotional issues to deal with. As to why things happened as they did, you waited until you had someone before you left. You knew this, and you told him that, in that warning you gave him. The problem to all this is that you didn't leave for yourself and yourself alone. Please don't rush into that relationship. You need time to heal and grieve the loss of your marriage even if the divorce is bloodless. You need time to be yourself and forgive yourself way before you are truly ready to love again.

    As to your guilt, it's impossible to live up to unrealistic expectations and then demand perfection on top of all that. There is nothing wrong in going after happiness in this life. Starting a new relationship before ending the old wasn't the best thing, but it was the done thing. It's done and now it's time to move on. Stop beating yourself up.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 10:43 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • You need to stop that second relationship and come to full repentence and work in your restoration with the Lord. Wait til your marriage is.over if it really is over then do it right. Is he a christian if he was he would not have let you sinned either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.