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I feel SERIOUSLY messed up....(PIOG)

I am a christian, thats what I claim anyway. I go to church faithfully, I pray. I read my bible and I tithe. Before my marriage broke up I felt very close to God, very in tune with where I thought my life was going and what God wanted for me. When my marriage fell apart, I feel like I did too. My husband wasn't attentitive to me at all, he spend all his time taking care of his mother, he wouldn't work or help support our family. I kept telling him that someone was going to come along and show me some attention and it was going to be dangerous. Guess what happened? A month before I moved out someone came along, showed me some attention and we started a relationship. That was 5 months ago and we are still going strong. I love this man, I want to be with him, but morally and what I believe I know it's not right. My divorce will be final in october. I feel like I've let God down so much, I feel like such a pathetic loser...

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on Aug. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • OP* The guilt is getting to me. Even though I still go to church, I maintain a good relationship with my ex, we have no kids together, but his daughter still comes and sees me because I practically raised her, I still feel guilty and like trash. Every time I leave my boyfriends house I feel like crap, but here's the thing...when I"m with him, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I guess maybe thats why I feel so guilty. If you are a christian with christian beliefs, please give me your input on this...and remember I'm hurting, so if you just want to bash me for my beliefs please keep it to yourself today. I just need some advice and uplifting...thanks in advance.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • First, your dh disrespected and abandoned your marriage first. Yes, family is important, and he should be honoring his mom and helping her, but he is also supposed to leave his parents and cleave unto his wife. After God, you (and the family you create together) should be the most important relationship in his life. It sounds like you made it very clear to him several times that your marriage was in trouble, and he didn't care enough to help you fix it. (I'm not saying it's all on him, but it's not all on you, either.)

    As far as your bf goes, I think it's a good thing that you've found someone who loves you, and who you love - BUT - I think the reason you are feeling the way you are is because you ARE still married. If this man cares about you and is worth having a relationship with, he should be willing and able to understand where you're coming from with this. Tell him how much you care about him


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:03 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • cont

    Tell him that you care for him very much, but that you are still legally married and that until the marriage has been terminated, it's wrong for you all to see each other. Explain to him that you want a relationship with him, but one that has a strong foundation, not one that's built on the ruins of your current marriage. Tell him what day the divorce will be final on, and ask if he would be willing to wait for you until then.

    Then, trust in God's plan that if this is the right person for you, then he will wait, and you can pursue a relationship with him after your divorce is final. If he isn't, then he isn't the worth the guilt you are feeling right now. Remember, God has a plan for you, and it's going to be a good one - just don't try to rush it along. :-)

    Also, talk to your pastor about the situation :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:08 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Thank you sailorwife, thats some great advice. I did think about talking to my pastor about the situation and I think I'm going to try to talk to him this weekend. As for my BF, I want to tell him I want to wait too, but when it comes to him all good sense just goes right out the window for some reason. I just need to pray that God's will be done in my life and I need strength!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Oh - one other thing - as far as it's ok with the girl's parents, there is no reason you can't continue to have a good relationship / friendship (even if it's not a mother daughter one) with your soon to be ex's daughter. Otherwise, there's a good chance she's going to think the only reason you cared about her to begin with was because you were with her Dad. It's important for her to know you love her for her, and that that love isn't going to end.

    You could be more of a "big sister" mentor sort of relationship with her, not so much mother / daughter.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:11 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Just hang in there, and pray that God will give you the discernment to know what's the right thing to do, and the strength to do it :-)

    I believe that it will work out for you in the end though, and really, October isn't that far off :-)


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:13 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • October will be here soon enough. Hang in there

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:48 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • I am literally going through the EXACT same situation, minus the new boyfriend, I'm not ready for that quite yet, but do want that to happen! But as far as the feelings you are having, I know exactly what you mean. If you want someone to talk to that is living the same thing, send me a message, it would be nice for me to have someone to talk to about this as well!

    Answer by feesharose at 11:36 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • God forgives all his children remember faith thes ize of a mustard seed can move moutains God knows u and ur heart and he will always love u

    Answer by aidensmama8 at 12:10 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • this is why im an athiest. you do what your heart tells you to do. you wont go to hell for falling in love with someone better honey. i hope it all works out for you.

    Answer by nattysmommie at 1:37 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

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