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Is discretion important to you?

If something really big happened to you and you told your mom about it and you asked her not to tell anyone besides your dad, but she went ahead and told people anyway, how would you handle it?

My husband tried to hurt himself last week and I told my mom about it. I asked her and couldn't stress even more not to tell anyone else in the family. Because if one person in the family knows everyone knows. And I really didn't want the whole family to find out until I told them myself. Well, she AND my dad told the family anyway. Would you be pissed about that? I hadn't confronted her about it because things have improved and I didn't want to ruin it by bringing that up, but I feel like I need to.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Aug. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • maybe your husband didn't want YOU to tell anyone, and if he knew you did he'd be hurt... did you ever think about that?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • what the hell else was I supposed to do? My family is two hours away and I had no one else to tell. he knew I told her anyway.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • I mean he really didn't leave me any choice. He took the damn pills right in front of me. It's not like he said, "Please dont' tell anyone I'm doing this." Of course I'm going to tell someone! You think I could keep something like that to myself?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • If he expected you to bear that burden by yourself he was wrong. You needed support. However, it was very VERY wrong of your family to tell everyone. It's not okay and I would be furious. That kind of thing happens in my family all the time.

    I'd confront your mom about it. Tell her it was wrong and then don't trust her or your dad with any more information like that until they can prove that they're trustworthy.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:21 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • okay i'm sorry but if my dh were standing in front of me with a handfull of pills, i'd fight him to get them away, i'm not going to sit there and let him do it, i'll try to stop him if i can HELLO!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • I did stop him. He's alive isn't he? Maybe I didn't stop him from taking the pills but I stopped him from killing himself. I'm not that strong of a person. So don't even judge.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Your mom broke your trust with that one, and hubby was way wrong for putting that on you. I hope you are getting him into some sort of counseling. No one knows what it is like when someone is trying to hurt themselves unless they have been through it, so you did what you know, and that was NOT wrong....... I would sit down with mom and tell her that she broke your trust, you were confiding in her in hopes that she can help you through. Tell her that though you like being able to come to her, you do NOT appriciate her telling everyone in the family all your personal business and the next time "IF" you confide in her, tell her you expect it to remain between the 2 of you and if she cant, then I wouldnt tell her anything you dont want everyone to know. I hope that hubby is working through whatever it is to have made him feel like that.

    Answer by SuperMomof3kids at 11:50 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • This is a family thing that the family NEEDS to know about in order to be supportive. My mom used to say don't tell anything to anyone that you don't want the world to know, even her. Those are good words to heed but in this case I think your mom was right. He needs family to support him.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:52 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • I told the people I felt I trusted. I don't trust the entire family. I trust his step-dad and I THOUGHT my mom. I know he wouldn't tell anyone and be supportive at the same time. I regret telling my mom because all she does is judge and tell everyone else. Now it's going to be awkward around the family. As if things weren't bad enough.

    He is seeing several counselors. Has been for the last few months. So he'll continue to do so. But he's doing a whole lot better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • I'm glad to hear he's better. Keep supporting him, keep being there for him, and find someone you can trust to support YOU, because you can't bear this burden alone. I hope that you can work this out with your mom.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:22 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

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