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Any ladies that have or have had long lasting strong marriages

I am married for the second time now and have been married fro 3 1/2 years. I am 28 yrs old. Sometimes my dh just acts so annoyed with me. Other times we are completely fine. Right now we have a 13 week old a 3 yr old and a 6 yr old and he is working 3 jobs. When he acts like that sometimes I feel like packing me and the kids up and leaving. My mom and aunts always told me that the first few yrs of marriage are the hardest and to stick it out. Is that what I should do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Aug. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Your dh is working 3 jobs, ummm, he earns being cranky at times LOL. Yes, stick it out, and discuss ways to lessen his work load. Maybe he can work a job and you can work a job with alternating shifts, I mean, seems like you'd see him just as often that way as you do now. Honestly, marriage has good years and bad years, good days and bad days. There are days when I want nothing to do with dh and others when I am madly in love with him. Basically, it comes in waves. We have had years that I wish I could erase, and others I want to relive. If I left him everytime it got hard I would have missed out on some of the best years. Hang in there, it will get better with time.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 2:18 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • You have 3 kids. Of corse the marraige is not going to be fun all the time like it was before you had kids. You need to make time for you and your DH alone. Date night. If you do not carve out some tome for just you two. Your marriage will fail. You DH is just as important as your kids are.
    Been married 20 years. My DH is my best friend.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:20 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • sorry, no but I've had 3 rocky short lived marriages. One did last 10 yrs but looking back it was a waste of my time trying to make something work that wasn't going to work. I think if my x had worked 3 jobs we'd have done better but he would work when I made him work. He thought it would be more fun to be with other women than to work for his wife and 3 kids.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:23 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • 3 jobs? 3 kids 6 & under? Yeah, he's going to be cranky. I don't know what you considered "annoyed", but if it doesn't involve abuse (physical, emotional, verbal), then yeah - stick it out.

    Get him to tell you why he's annoyed at you --- if he even is. He's probably just bringing home a lot of baggage from work -- and you're there, so you get the attitude that comes with it. IF you're doing something to piss him off, he should have no trouble telling you what that is. How are you to resolved it if you don't know what it is, right?

    IF you're not doing anything & he's just frustrated at his job... take the kids and go out when he gets home. Give him an hour or 2 of quiet time to relax, unwind, refresh.

    Marriage is ups & downs.... you've got to find each others groove.

    I've been with my husband 13 yrs (since we were 19). We haven't even had an arguement in 3 1/2 yrs.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 2:26 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • I don't know if any particular years were harder than others. Depends on what else is going on, health issues, child issues, money issues, each phase comes with it's own rewards and tribulations. We are friends and confidants and each others un-waivering support system. I guess from our frame of reference leaving really isn't an option, that doesn't mean we haven't had some major arguments and days of not speaking, but in the end I just can't imagine being apart. Some one once told me that once you bring the possibility of divorce into the relationship it is never the same. (30 years 6/09)


    We have done the multiple jobs and the opposite shifts and it adds a lot of stress, but looking back those things are so temporary and fleeting, all of which passes with time and hopefully you come out ahead.

    emptynstr

    Answer by emptynstr at 2:28 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • This is why we decided not to have any kids. 35 years & going strong baby!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • My husband and I are celebrating 16 years of marriage today, 20 years together this summer.

    We get annoyed with each other all the time. We're human beings! At this moment, we're struggling with his unemployment, and I'm working two jobs. We've been through parental divorce (his dad), parental deaths, childbirth, relocating, buying a home, nearly losing said home, buying cars, repairing cars, auto accidents, serious financial troubles, health problems....etc etc. I always say that because I'm Italian my life is REQUIRED to be an opera. Either tragic comedy or comic tragedy, I'm not sure which.

    You're not specific about what's going on in your marriage, but know that you two are NOT going to be lovey-dovey always. In fact, there will be times when you're convinced you hate him. Then you get over it.

    There's no abuse or infidelity, right? If not, it's very likely you're still in the early rough patch. It WILL pass!
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:56 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • This is why we decided not to have any kids. 35 years & going strong baby!
    ___
    Yet you are on cafemom...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • My hubs and I have been together 20 years (married 18). What I have learned about marriage: it takes TWO people to keep make a marriage going, it is a give and take, it has its ups and downs ,and 2 key ingredients any marriage should have are Communication and Compromise.
    It sounds like your hubby has alot on his plate- 3 young kids, working 3 jobs to make ends meet- I would suggest sitting him down and talking to him. Find out why he is 'annoyed' and both of you discuss what you each could do to make things better.
    good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 3:34 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Your mom and aunt are correct. The first few years are tough. You know as well as I know that the lack of money will always make everybody miserable. Your husband is feeling alot of stress right now with 3 jobs, 3 kids, and a wife that are depending on him. I was in the same situation, and that is the exact reason I searched high and low to find a way to Work from Home and earn GOOD money. I came across a home-based business opportunity with no large investment, no inventory and no risk. I work from home with a company that manufactures products that we’re already buying elsewhere, but they are better, safer, healthier and more economical. We just help set up customer accounts and the company pays us to do so. It has benefited our family so much! If you would like some more information, please feel free to ask. www.MoreFreeTime.biz
    MakinMonyAtHome

    Answer by MakinMonyAtHome at 3:37 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

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