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should i allow my husband to come to see his kids as many times as he wants

were seperated he doesnt have his own place,is living in his job or stays at a friends house,he doesnt want to be with me anymore.He still pays everything here,all he asks is to see his kids whenever he wants to,should i allow that even if its not healthy for me because i still love him????he comes to see them at my house,because he doesnt have a place yet.I dont know what type of schedule i should have????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Aug. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • depending on our town, there may be a place that he can see kids wihout you being there, like a child/parent resourse center? a place like this would also have some free counciling for parents going through a divorce, how to make it easiest on the kids
    boredmom44

    Answer by boredmom44 at 5:10 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • ^^Good suggestion. I also want to point out that if he left you, he left the kids too, so his contact with them should be up to you. If you feel uncomfortable with him being around all the time, then don't let him be. It kinda sounds to me like he just has nowhere else to go anyway.
    MommyKKay

    Answer by MommyKKay at 5:12 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Yes he should be allowed to see his kids whenever he likes. He left YOU, not the kids. He's still paying for all of their living expenses and wants to be in their lives. Its selfish to keep them from him as punishment.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 5:16 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • i said 3 times a week wed,and sat & sunday cause i work all day now.Am i hurting the kids in anyway with just 3 times i dont want to hurt my kids.Im sooo confused by this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Um I think if it's hurting you then maybe he can visit with them some where else (park,restaurant ect.) but why should you hurt the kids he is still paying you bills......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • so i should allow him more than 3 times a week,my daughter misses him alot and wishes he was here,shouldnt he have thought of this when he left???? hes missing out on sooo much already.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • wow, that's awesome that he's still paying all the bills and not living there... seriously, he has every right to come around anytime he wants.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 5:19 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • yes he does pay everything my rent is 1400,and he does it for the love of his kids not for me he says,but isnt that confusing my little girl,she sees him all the time but asks why daddy doesnt sleep on mommys bed anymore.shes 4 yrs old and he doesnt want me to explain divorce to her yet.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • stability is important for kids. Tell him to write out a schedule so there are no surprises. You can plan your day and maybe have a neighbor or sitter to watch them for a few while you leave during his visit then they can watch them for a few min after he leaves and you return. You could go out and spend some "me" time or grocery shop or see a movie. Make it work for you but scheduling helps. There is a Parenting Plan worksheet online you can use for deciding days and hour of visitation.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:49 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Personally I think this is a situation where your kids have to come first. Sometimes we have to do things we do not like, for the good of our children. Even though it hurts you to see him, he is still your childrens daddy and they need him. If he is willing to see them as much as possible, I think you should let him. Maybe he can call before he comes and you can go out grocery shopping or to a friends house until he is ready to leave, so you dont have to see him all the time. Sorry you are going through all that. Stay strong!!
    soccerchik8287

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 5:51 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

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