Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Adopting outside of your race?

If you're African American, what do you think of non-African Americans who adopt African American kids? Is it a disadvantage to grow up without parents of the same race? I'm a minority person (not black) who would like to adopt an african american or other minority child. I know so many are in the system and need good homes.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:46 PM on Aug. 21, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (9)
  • I'm not black but I am raising a black child. Yes, there are issues you need to consider BEFORE you adopt a child outside of your own ethnicity. There are some great books out there to help you through making that decision if transracial adoption is for you or not. One book I love is written by a black adoptee and the book is called: White hands black baby. The author is Jaya John. I know I spelled the author's name wrong. But it talks about his experiences, what it was like, how he wished his parents had made different choices, what was positive, how he was feeling....raw, intense, and makes you think. Basically, a big "hey white parents this is what you need to know about raising your black child!" I loved it. Of course he doesn't speak for ALL adoptees but the book is so powerful and real. The hurt, the pain, the regrets...all there. He's not anti transracial adoption. He just wants parents to know the issues.


    Answer by frogdawg at 6:44 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Thank you. I will def. be reading that book. I am a minority/bi-racial person myself so I think I have some understanding of racial issues, but I am not black so I can't say I understand that experience.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • THERE IS ONE RACE...HUMAN. AND YES, I AM SHOUTING. LOL If everyone could grasp that very simple concept, this topic would be a non issue.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • In a perfect world, race would not be an issue. But, I think to pretend that being raised by a family of another race might not have some potential issues to deal with is not realistic. Being a different color from the family who raises you will affect children differently according to their personalities, the community they grow up in and many other factors. Just like being adopted in general, children react to the situation in many varying ways.

    However, it is hard to believe that a child would be better off in foster care than being raised by a family of a different race. You just need to be aware of potential issues that might crop up and be ready to deal with them, whether the issues are about racel, being adopted or anything else.

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:28 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • ANON 12:13am THERE IS ONE RACE...HUMAN. AND YES, I AM SHOUTING. LOL If everyone could grasp that very simple concept, this topic would be a non issue.

    I agree with you. If EVERYONE could...
    that includes little children at school who make fun of YOUR children or are mean to them based on the color of their skin or the texture of their hair or that they aren't the same color as mom/dad. Because they hear the jokes on TV, or their parents talking. My nieces and nephews AREN'T adopted & are bi-racial and have had to had "talks" with their parents that maybe you never did.

    For a foster/adopt parent to NOT acknowledge that adopting outside their own heritage will bring challenges that they need to know how to deal with is irresponsible and cruel IMO. Especially when the self-worth of a child is based on the answers they receive to their questions. You had better be ready to build that child up when others tear them down.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:39 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • It would extremely abusive of me to recognize that my son is black. When he walks out the door in the morning people notice the color of his skin FIRST. As his mother I need to prepare him for that. I need to recognize that one day he will have teachers who will treat him differently (I worked at schools where some of the teachers would privately come up to me and talk about all those black kids, it happens in EVERY school). There is also the need to acknowledge the psychology of black identity and racial development. Another awesome book is Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? It explains it in a way that is very interesting and (again) real.  The way I know parents are not ready for transracial adoption: when they can't recognize their child of a different ethnicity/culture is going to have different needs from their own.  I love my son, I love ALL of him. 


    Answer by frogdawg at 9:49 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • They kids don't see color. Wrong! Kids learn at a very early age to NOT point out differences. When kids who are one point out a child living with down syndrome and are hushed when asked what is wrong with that kid....they learn don't point out "other." When a white kid points out a Korean or Black child and mom hushes them....they learn about not point out "other." Parents don't connect that when their child is 8 and does not point out their friend is Black. Instead their parents think, "oh my child is color blind." Not true, your child learned it isn't polite to mention color/race/disability. My child knew at one he was "other." At two he proudly points out others who are different. We don't hush. And we have been thanked by many parents and disabled individuals. People are use hiding a fact of life. Some are in wheelchairs, some use sign to talk....those are facts. My child IS black - Duh.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:55 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • It would extremely abusive of me to recognize that my son is black.

    Frogdawg, Did you mean this? Or did you mean to NOT recognize that your son is black?

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:09 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • I meant it would be abusive to NOT recognize he is black. Whoops.

    Answer by frogdawg at 5:35 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN