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What would you do as a step-mom who has a 14 year old step-daughter whose mother passed away when she was 9 and all of a sudden is very disrepectful????

I have a 14 year old step-daughter that we use to be really close. All of a sudden I can do no right. I have tried talking to her but to no avail she is very rude. I think that she finally realized that her mother is not coming back and may be taking it out on me. I am a very strong person, have taken the girls to a camp for kids who have lost someone. I married their father and then he got deployed to Iraq for a year and everything was fine then he came home and everything changed. I have raised these girls from 4 and 9. Any suggestions as I am really scared for her taking the wrong road. I just want respet and appreciation. HELP!!! I feel like I'm at my whits end. I throw her a party and she never says thank you, I do things for her that mother would not and she only wants to be around me when she needs something. Sorry that I have went on, but I am at a real loss and love her dearly!

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Asked by ayers65 at 10:07 PM on Aug. 21, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (6)
  • You don't love her enough to pop her in the mouth like any other mom would.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • It sounds to me like she's being a normal teenager. I don't know if that helps or hurts your situation, sorry.

    Don't let her be disrespectful to you. Make very clear rules and consequences and stick to them. Don't let the fact to she lost her mom young be an excuse for disrespectful behavior. There's a big difference in having compassion for her feelings about her mom and letting  her walk all over you.


    Answer by Cindy18 at 10:16 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Don't listen to anom. That was rude and uncalled for!! You are in a very touchy spot. Good Luck, Momma. It will get better in a few years and she will appreciate all you have done for her.


    Answer by Cindy18 at 10:18 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • Gotta agree with Cindy18...she sounds like a normal 14 year old.

    But that does not mean you or any one else should put up with it, if you really think this has anything to do with the death of her mother then get her into counseling. Otherwise set the rules and stick to them.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 10:48 PM on Aug. 21, 2009

  • i understand your frustration . the father of my 3 boys died this year. i have taken my boys to grief my opinion. your daughter is having what my mom called growing pains and that "tunnel vision".yes she could be showing you rebelling because of her mother. stick to the rules make it clear those wont change but also tell her you love her that if there is anything she needs your right there for her. she going thru alt alot right now,she just needs to know your there for her. also talk to your husband he can probably ease some of your frustration. and if he agrees use the tough love .remember these words "without love there would be no disicpline"and i can see that you love her.

    Answer by cat260 at 9:37 AM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Let her know everyday that you love her and you understand what she's going through and you are there to help her out in any way as you been doing explain to her that you know she is still hurting and needs to realize its your turn to watch over her and her father . Pick a day where you and her can have a mother and daughter day twice a month .

    Answer by debraann380 at 10:17 AM on Aug. 24, 2009

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