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How can I teach my 8 year old to share her feelings?

My daughter is a smart and sweet girl. But she has a VERY hard time sharing her feelings to anyone about anything. She holds it all in until she just has a explosion of feelings. Usually resulting in crying uncontrolably. I believe she is this way due to the first few years of her life. Her father and boiological mother were not married but lived together for the first 2 years of her life. They fought constantly and did not pay much attention to her. She was walking on "egg shells" as my husband recalls it. She would stay out of the way and when she was around anyone she was always happy. Over the top happy. So I think she did this as a way to help her make things better. But for the past 3 years I her step mother who is really the only mother she knows. I have been working with her on this. And nothing I am doing seems to help. I am so frustrated with this situation. My husband and I are starting to fight about it now. HELP

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Asked by nckyhess at 12:14 AM on Aug. 22, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (6)
  • Also... my daughter and I have a good relationship. Most people say they would NEVER believe that she is not my biological child. Because of the way we are together. I am a very assurtive pushy kind of person and my husband is the complete opposite.Therefore we are having a hard time with this. Please advise. Any websites, books, personal experiences, etc. Thank you all!

    Answer by nckyhess at 12:18 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • My middle DD was abused by her paternal grandmother when she was small, and she has a lot of trouble dealing with her emotions now (she's 10) I got her into journal keeping, at the advice of her psychiatrist, when she was about 7, and now she is never without a journal. She also writes notes to people, like to me, that will say things like "I love you" or "I'm glad you're my mom". She does it daily, and I keep her in constant supply of pretty paper and decorated journals (because we all know how nice it is to write on pretty paper!). Whenever sher gets particularly emotional, I remind her to go write it all in her journal. She has written many angry letters to her grandmother that have never been sent, but she felt better after writing them.

    Answer by mamapotter at 12:27 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • I like mamapotter's answer. The really enjoyed the ON Becoming Babywise series. It was written by 2 Christian's. Their opinions was that the child fit into the house, not that the house revolved around the child. The most important thing is a strong couple. If you and your husband start fighting about this, she could get worse because she might feel like it is starting all over. You don't want her to feel like she is walking on egg shells again. these books increase through the ages. I can't remember the actual titles. check in the library/book store. With the authors names, you will be able to get the book for her age. It is full of sound advice, and may give you a different approach. Out of all the books I had read, I really received sound, workable advice from this series. Good Luck.

    Answer by moneymagnetmom at 1:26 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Another thought. Write a list on 20 things that are great about her. Every morning in the shower for 30 days, say I am thankful and grateful for my daughter being.......some how this process transforms our thinking, and you would be surprised at how much nicer things are in 30 days.

    Answer by moneymagnetmom at 1:29 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Well this very well could be an emotional issue that you may need some help with. I have a daughter who is a sever emotional intervert. When she was 6 months old I had taken her to the doctor because she never cried- I mean never- she was just always happy, but at the same time never had those huge belly laughs like babies do- he just kind existed in her world. I by no means thought she was autistic or anything- I was just confused- being and extrovert my self, I had no idea how to deal with this.

    I would suggest the second you can tell that her vibe is "off" that her world is upside down, that you hug her, hold her in your lap and for instance say "do you want to talk about this?" or "it is okay to talk to mom, I know this is hard".

    Find some books about dealing with emotional issue with children or even look into the idea of intervert. It is more common than people think.

    Answer by ActionBaby at 12:45 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Never push her. She needs to feel safe with you and feel ok with who she is and not what everyone expects her to be. I like everyone's opinions above.

    Answer by Momforhealth at 1:40 AM on Aug. 23, 2009

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