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Is it possible to be your child's mother and friend?

My personal opinion is that I can be my children's friend but I'm their mother first. There may be times when I have to step in as the mother and say "No" instead of being the friend who says "Sure go ahead." I'm not saying I want to only be their friend but I want to be the kind of mother they can come to for anything without fear of being judged or yelled at just because I may not like what they have to say. Does that make sense to anyone??

 
prcd_n_tatd

Asked by prcd_n_tatd at 10:56 AM on Aug. 22, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (25)
  • I think mothers should be both with their kids. Mother first always, and friend a close second. Kids need that bond of a mother but support of a friend. My mom was only a mother to me and I feel that if she acted more like a friend at times, I wouldnt have gotten into as much trouble as I did as a teenager. I didnt have that connection to where I could talk to her easily. Pretty frustrating. I will make sure my daughters always feel comfortable coming to me about anything and I will be as honest as possible with them.
    Princefan6684

    Answer by Princefan6684 at 11:03 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • It does make sense and I completely agree that you can be both. My kids and I have a great relationship, heck my oldest DD"s friends call me on a regular bases just to talk, but at the end of the day I am mom and have no problem laying down the law.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:00 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • yes it does, my dd is 12 and she knows she can talk to me but i am a mother first, and if i dont like something i will say so or say no.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • I think it makes sense and it is a delicate balance that a good mother should try to achieve. My mother was always firm with me and she is also my best friend now. I adore her and the relationship we have. I hope as my daughter gets older that she and I can form a similar bond.
    Danielle720

    Answer by Danielle720 at 11:09 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Than be a good friend. A good friend would not say "sure go ahead" if they may get hurt. I'm very close to my kids, we took them to concerts and taught them you do not have to get high to have fun. They are 27-years old and we are still close.
    I think of my kids as my friends and we talk about everything. When they where under 18-years old I never told them what we did or did not do. When kids hears that a parent did drugs than THEY WILL TRY THEM so never tell them you did it or not. Just tell them stories of your friends who did stupid things and you new not to do them with them.

    When people say you can't be friends with you kids, is because they think you are drinking or doing drugs with your kids. THAT IS NOT BEING A FRIEND THAT IS BEING STUPID!
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:11 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • i totally agree with u gammie. I have had several ppl tell me that I can't be my children's friend because they will expect me to do things with them such as drinking and doing drugs and my response is that I will never expose them to drinking or drugs. I'm sure there will be peer pressure from friends or random ppl they pass on the street or in school but as long as I teach them that drinking and doing drugs is not the way to go in life they will never expect me to do so with them. They will know where I stand on that issue. I do on occassion have a wine cooler but I don't go to the extreme of getting sloppy drunk.
    prcd_n_tatd

    Answer by prcd_n_tatd at 11:22 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • We're not our childrens friend we are their parents. I won't be going out with them, hanging out when they are teens. We will be there for them when no one else will, but that doesn't mean I'm their friend. I will be there to love them,support them, give advice, guidance,and fun. We have told our children that we will be there for them no matter what and not judge them. We may not agree with their decisions but we will give our opinion and advice and hope they make the right choices. We have also made it clear to them that we are their biggest fan and will always be there to back them up. As for friends, no. A parent can provide structure and stability, a friend can't. I want them to grow up to be strong independent people.
    My sister made the mistake of being friends with her kids and they have no respect for her. They use her, only need her when they want something.. It's sad...
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:49 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • It is first and formost my job to be my kids mom. For the good and the bad stuff. That being said I do my best to set aside time once in a while to just hang out with them and be their friend. But they understand that I am MOM before I am anything else. It is my goal that one day, when they are grown, that we can move into a more friend type relationship. But right now they have friends to do friend things with. What they need is mom and dad to be parents and make sure they understand right, wrong and all that "fun" stuff.
    littleredpony

    Answer by littleredpony at 11:53 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • That was the point I was trying to make. I am their mother before I am anything else. I will forever be their mother but there are times when I enjoy hanging out with them and doing friend things like playing with their toys with them, running around at the park, making funny faces at each other. I know mothers do that as well with their kids but when a mother can connect with her children on another level aside from being their mother it opens up so much more for the relationship. We just have to understand where that thin line is drawn and when to enforce the boundaries.
    prcd_n_tatd

    Answer by prcd_n_tatd at 11:56 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • It's 205% possible! I have a freind, we grew up together, who's best friend is her mom. They always were. Now they share a house like room mates and talk about dating and all that since they are both single women. But her mom was always mom first and when a line was crossed it was clear. She was like the mom I always wished I had, and still is... I hope to be that good of a mom even if I myself didn't get that good of a model!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:01 PM on Aug. 22, 2009