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Does anyone have a MIL who does this?

The other day she invited her son to go over to her house alone, with out the family so she could have "alone time" with her son. She lives 2.5 hrs away & we have 3 children. She doesn't want any of us there only her son so that can can practice singing a song together for an upcoming wedding. This feels so cruel & unloving. There are plenty of things I could do with the kids while they sing like take a walk, play outside etc. Now my husband is leaving tonight after dinner to sleep over there without any of us.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:27 AM on Aug. 22, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • That's really weird. Mommy wants a "sleepover" with her son? Sounds like she is very co-dependent. She should have invited the whole family over.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Did you actually hear you're MIL tell your husband this? Like you know for sure it was her on the phone?
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 11:33 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Oh! I didn't think about what mumma is suggesting. Hmm. I think I would call your MIL and mention something about his visit- that he forgot his... something, or that you forgot to ask him to call you and tell you that he'd arrived safely- something like this just so you can confirm the visit. Please forgive me for suggesting such a thought, but I've read here so much about such things. Anyway, maybe his mother didn't want the whole family there and really did just want a quiet time with her son. I wouldn't like it myself for my MIL to do that, but it may be one of the things you have to put up with.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:38 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • I'm old so I would have done the same thing unless the family could have stayed elsewhere. I don't want a bunch of ppl in my home even if they are family. Old ppl don't like messes and noise and I had 3 kids I know how loud 3 kids get. Plus I don't think it's bad to have alone time with a son. She has to share him with you and you get him 24/7. She asks for a couple of days? Give the old woman a break. Maybe she thinks it's cruel and unloving that you keep him to yourself all the time and never let her see him alone. Learn to put yourself in her shoes before judging her as cruel and unloving
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:39 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Your problem is not your mother-in-law. Your problem is partly your husband and partly you. If that were my husband, I would have the children and myself in the car before he had a chance to realize I was going. Just because she doesn't invite you to come along doesn't mean a thing. I would go if I had to sit in the car. This is your husband, and she cannot dictate what you do or do not do with him. If she doesn't allow you in her house, that's one thing. You can stay outside, but she cannot tell you that you can't come. She does not have that authority unless you give it to her. Same thing is true with your husband.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:40 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • As a parent and a daughter I think I can understand her point of view. I like having alone time with my kids (they're still home but I seldom see either one of them without the other since school got out and I miss the one on one time for chats, for just being together. It's hard to talk to your family with your spouse there about personal things.
    I'm a suspicious person so I'd be wondering what the heck on the over night visit... why not drive up early on Sunday morning, spend the day practicing and visiting and then head home to be with the wife and kids? I do go visit my family in another state a few hours away and usually I do spend the night or weekend but if my hubby did it I'm not sure how I'd feel if I was excluded (mine can't go because of work).
    Does she like you? Is there high tension between the two of you? Too many women are jealous of their mother and daughter in laws. Talk to her about the problem directly
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:52 AM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • My MIL left me and my daughter sitting in the car while my husband went inside for hours! Just stay home. While it might be nice to have a day away, knowing what you already stated would it be a nice time all the while thinking you are not really welcome at this time? I have been mad about our situation for a long time. I want my kids to love the grandma, but I also feel like I would rather them think of her a nice lady on the phone than one that is mean or spiteful in person. In the end I choose to keep the relationship on the phone! Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • To admckenzie: from reading your response its it sounds like you are saying having a clean house with no noise is more important then seeing your family. How sad!!! Who puts a clean house before spending time with their grandchildren? I would never do that. This is what makes our world special...we are all different. I would rather hear laughter from young kids then see a clean floor.   (Plus we only see her 4 to 5 times a year.)


    Anon 11:51 you are completely right...its all weird. Tomorrow is her birthday & she doesn't want her grand-children there. The worst part is I told my daughter we were going early in the week. Now the MIL changed her mind & now I have to disappoint my daughter. just great!....sarcasm

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • I guess that would be the MIL then, not your husband, pardon the insinuation. However, you mentioning that it's her bday, brought on a new line of questioning.

    How old is she gonna be? Is it over 65? Does she have health problems?
    Perhaps, if she's older, by then birthdays are just another day closer to death. Especially if she is a negative type woman. Maybe she wants to talk about her will to your son, maybe she has something important to tell him, and she doesn't want the kids to hear. Or you for that matter, especially in matters of money. You're the DIL, there's no reason for you to be involved with the preparing of her will, no offense. It's just a suggestion, but it sounds like a valid reason.
    If your husband is like mine, he will tell you all about it when he gets home, if not, then I suppose you have something to worry about.
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 1:03 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Absolutely, I stay out of the relationship between my husband & his mother. I agree, I have no business there. I'm just trying to deal with the rejection & now my kids do too. I have to be careful when I tell my daughter we are not going now. My MIL is  turning 63. No major health issues. You are right when you say she is a bit negative.  This episode is not surprising because she plays weird things like this all the time. I just have trouble dealing with rejection. Why should I care what my MIL thinks?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Aug. 22, 2009