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The choices!?!?! men....

So I recently married a great guy, we are expecting a baby in March. He's a great guy but there are issues we have to work on. He's a great guy, but I can see some major issues in the future unless we work on them now. I was talking to a very close friend that has been through everything with me. You name it and he has been there. And he recently revealed that he actually really wants me still. My husband and I have only known each other for 10 months- the fact our relationship is so new is a reason why we haven't worked through some issues I know but still. yet my friend, he and I have known each other for over 5 years. Had I known his feelings, I honestly would have left to be with him, but he waited till now to tell me.... What to do what to do? Normally I would be hell bent against this idea if I were responding to the question but between the pregnancy and I can see the potential problems that can arise. My husband tries

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Aug. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • to be a little controlling and in general hates the fact that I have so many guy friends. I cant seem to get along with too many females for some reason. He'll attempt to read personal things. I understand that we are married but my email is my email. My texts are my texts. I don't snoop through his email or phone and I expect the same privacy. His temper is an issue, its something he is trying to work on, and it has made some progress. My friend had to go stir up some complicated feelings while I'm pregnant didn't he? Any suggestions?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Try and make your marriage work. If you love your husband and I know you love your baby to be... work on this marriage. Try and keep your distance from this "friend" that is bringing up these feelings, because honestly that can only bring about trouble. There is only a "what if" situation there with the friend, where as you have a good "working on it" situation with what you have now.
    mom2BOYZnDad

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 12:03 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Well, since you are pregnant, and if you love your husband, you should try to work it. At least for the child's sake. If it doesn't work, then at least you know you tried.

    Tell your friend you love him (if you do) but you also love your husband and since you are having his child, you'd like to attempt to work it out, The problem is that your friend didn't tell you before. He waited too long. You married your husband and you both deserve the chance to see if it could work.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 12:04 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • I personally do not believe in opposite sex friends. Like what your saying. Thinking of leaving your DH for A FRIEND.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:04 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • What to do what to do.... if you REALLY loved the man you married, the idea of if this other guy had said how he felt earlier you'd have left to be with him wouldn't have even entered your head.
    You made a vow, you are carrying his baby. If this other guy really loved you, wanted you, he could've said so at any time before the marriage occurred. Lots of men want/prefer married women because they're not wanting a commitment, they can't be all up their butts all the time, and they can't explain any gifts etc... And when they get jealous they can't rat them out because it'd cost them their marriage and possibly kids.
    What to do is.... tell this other guy goodbye before you cost yourself this really great guy (you used that term 3 times in the first minute of typing it up).
    Your hormones are likely the culprit to a lot of the problems right now because the new car scent shouldn't have worn off yet if you really love him.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:06 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Your FRIEND has been with you through thick and thin AND a wedding. Do you really think it's a coincidence that he told you his feelings AFTER you married another man? He had the opportunity to tell you before but he didn't. Your dh sounds like a controlling jerk but the friend doesn't sound like the type who wants a real commitment or he'd have told you before you said I DO to another man
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:09 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Your husband's trying. So get into counselling to make sure everything is tried. If after two years things are worse then leave.


    You owe it to your baby to work things out. You and the 'friend' if you get together romantically will have problems too and have to work them out. Before you make new problems of a loss of a birth dad for baby, get counselling now to work things through.

    Do you really think that husband should be ok with your massive guy friends? You would really be ok if he confided in different or went socializing with only women friends as your partner
    'cause he just doesn't get along well with men?' I think its a copout that you just don't want to be married to the one you married. Think of respect that's important to teach you baby when born and growing.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Here's the thing, he is allowed to have multiple female friends, and I am to be ok with it. They were friends growing up ect. Yet he hates the fact I have male friends. He'd get upset over 1 guy friend. I've told him that he can not expect me to drop my guy friends for him when he has female friends. I don't tolerate double standards like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind and are looking for others to tell you that leaving your husband is ok. It's not.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 2:51 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • I don't want to sound mean. You are saying your DH gets upset over your emails that you think he shouldn't be in. They must be something that he disapproves of. YOu say your DH has female friends, but is he sitting there wondering if he should leave you and be with them. It is a wonder he has a problem with this man you've been friends with for 5 years. The man wants you and you might want him because you say so. If you have nothing to hide from your DH then you wouldn't have a problem with him knowing things. I think that you stood up and took vows with your DH and you need to think of the choice that you made. And maybe you shouldn't have jumped so fast into a marriage. Sometimes things happen to late. I hope you find yourself, none of this is your DH fault. You chose to think of having feelings for another man and you are mad at your DH.... Sorry but you are the one in the wrong. Tell your DH that this man likes u, u can't
    suzyb1980

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 3:38 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

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