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is it really worth staying

i havebeen struggling in my marriage now for over 8 months. On monday my husband got physically agressive with me adn we left when we were turned away by womens shelters and families we came hoem adn I am trying to work it out. We made lists of what we expect from one another and I have done everything on my list and he has done one thing and nothing else. Now he is telling me he wants time alone with teh guys. WTF I really question whether he is really willing to work on this or if he is just trying to do things to buy time. Has nayone ever dealt with anything like this and if so how did it end

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katiekruschke

Asked by katiekruschke at 2:36 PM on Aug. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,043 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Your family turned you away? Who needs enemies huh? I'd figure out a way to leave. You don't deserve to be abused and your kids dont' need to see it!
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 2:38 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • You need to come to an understanding. Well, it sounds like you've attempted to do that already. I would suggest setting a time limit. You could even try counseling if the both of you really want to make the effort. And like you said, it takes both of you to make it work. If one wants it, and the other doesn't, it's up to them to be honest. I've seen the negative of waiting to tell someone that you don't want to be with them anymore cuz you're afraid you'll hurt them, even if you're married/have children together. The main point I'm driving home here is it's not worth staying in a relationship you're not happy with.

    Sit him down and ask him what he REALLY wants. Tell him to be honest, don't sugar coat it. Doing that only wastes time. Life's too short to drag stuff like this out. You'll save both of yourselves a lot of grief if you just get it out of the way now. GL!
    geminigirl18

    Answer by geminigirl18 at 2:40 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • get out now
    dadzgrl82

    Answer by dadzgrl82 at 2:42 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • men are so DUMB when it comes to LISTENING

    they just refuse to do it. i think he's only going to understand actions, he can tune you out when you talk but he'll get tired of pretending you are there if you aren't
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:42 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Why were you turned away by women's shelters? Im sorry family did that as well.
    As to the question "is it really worth staying?" IMO, NO.. Once a man puts his hands on me or my child, that is it. Dealbreaker right then and there.
    Melindakc

    Answer by Melindakc at 2:42 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • the womesn sheleters were full and my husband has been calling my family adn friends telling them how horrible it is living with me so when i go to them for help their like "well darren tol dus that you...." my parents told me to grow up adn act like an adult
    katiekruschke

    Answer by katiekruschke at 2:44 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • well if ur man can call ur family and they belive him something is wrong right there. does ur floks know he put his hands on u. come on that is not right no matter how old r young u r. maybe they need to love you n ur kids enough to take u in even if its just for a little bit. i would even take u in and i dont even know u and i dont have the room. try going to a church and c if they can help u find anything. gl
    dadzgrl82

    Answer by dadzgrl82 at 2:55 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • My daughters father was very possesive of me, it turned into verbal abuse, and by our 4 year together it turned into physical. It didn't matter how much we tried or I tried to be the good woman, he continued to treat me like dirt. I never left which is probably bad, but I stayed. I was effected by this a few years to where I couldn't trust anyone and coculdn't move on in my life because of fears. A woman got pregnant and that made me leave I finally had a good reason and someone else to take my place. He has never hit her to my knowledge, but I am happy she came around. WE women dont' deserve such things to be done to us.
    suzyb1980

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 3:10 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Talk to the domestic violence shelter and see what options are available to you. If he gets aggressive with you again call the police and they will make him leave. It may only be for the night but you will be safer than going back to a home that is full of tension. If you work with the shelter now you might be able to get out and into your own place. They can help you make a plan. Usually abusers calm down and things are ok for a while before the next blow up. Take advantage of that time to plan what you want to do for the future to keep you and your children safe.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:51 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

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