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What is wrong with me? Why the death house?

My 1st DH killed himself 4 months after our child was born. He was holding her and I was with him when he shot himself. I am over the anger & though I will always mourn him the hard part is long behind me... I hope. Anyway, the thing is, while I was still really mad at his selfish act I threw out most of his stuff and moved out of our rental- I even got rid of his dog! But now 10 years later I find myself driving by the house for no good reason, dreaming of the garage (where he did it) and even accidentally putting the house numbers down on stuff I was doodling on.. it has happened a few times over the years but lately it is happening more often.. I am becoming obsessed with this house and feel the need to go there again. Thing is, people live there now, it is their house, not ours anymore and I don't want to freak them out by continually parking in their driveway. I don't get why the house is bugging me so much!! Now what?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Aug. 22, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (14)
  • Get counselling. A relative's wife shot himself in his head in front of her earlier this year in their home. Get counselling now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • I THINK YOU NEED THERAPY, IT WILL HELP YOU SORT OUT WHAT IS GOING ON AND DEAL WITH WHATEVER IS HAPPENING TO YOU. YOUR ORDEAL IS A LOT FOR ANYONE TO TAKE IN, IT IS ENOUGH TO AFFECT THE MOST SANE OF PEOPLE, DON'T BE AFRAID TO GET SOME HELP, SOMETIMES AN OUTIDER CAN DO WONDERS FOR WHAT AILS US. WISHING BEST OF LUCK.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:47 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • oh god totally wrong!!!!! - a relative shot himself in his head in front of HIS wife earlier this year in their home.

    Get counselling, this is a very sad act that needs to be dealt with. Another friend's husband killed himself with a gun in their home a while back. The pain stays. The more you are in the area the more difficult it is.

    Can you move out of state, to other end of state. You've got to move on - not forget it can't be forgotten but move past. Its' ten years now. Get counselling for your child's sake. Suicide is forever those who pass and those behind. But there are different ways to move on.


    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • While counseling is a good idea. Have you considered that it is his spirit trying to contact you? I think there is some emotions not dealt with.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 4:54 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Spirit thought considered, the house is consuming you. your child needs you clear of mind not dabbling in spirits. A good counsellor even minster can help you. Don't let your ex make you an ex.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • Perhaps you have already had SOME counseling before, but maybe there is something that was too hard to deal with 10 years ago, but that STILL needs to be dealt with. You can work thru this in a healthy way for both you and your child. She needs you to take care of yourself.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 4:58 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • When we still lived in the same town I would randomly go for a drive and end up at the house and I would just sit for awhile and go on my way but now I live in Germany.. suddenly the house is on my mind all the time- like an OCD or something.. I had some counseling but it really did nothing for me. I never though I had a problem with his suicide so I don't get why I am now dreaming about this darn house... I went home on vacation this past week to visit my mother and guess where I drove from the airport? It was like I was on auto pilot or something and I haven't lived in that house in ten years!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • It sounds to me that you are, in some way, seeking closure. Obviously this was really traumatic and you may have postponed dealing with your emotions. Maybe now is the time to seek closure- whether that involves the house itself or simply processing your own emotions. I would seek a counselor of some kind to talk with. Delayed grieving is not that uncommon- the mind protects itself by walling off some emotions that are too intense to deal with at the time. The fact that you are once again picking at this emotional scab makes me wonder if your mind is trying to tell you that you are ready to deal with some of this now.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 5:15 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • ok so are you or aren't you driving often by the house and sitting there looking at it no matter if its in Germany or U S?

    "I didn't have a problem with his suicide" that itself is a problem. Your counsellor didn't work cuz that person was just not right. There are thousands more counsellors.

    If you don't deal with this your child could grow up thinking that suicide is no big deal. What have you told child about dad's death?

    If you were dealing fine no problem with his suicide then you wouldn't be eaten up by it like you are.

    Think of your child and what your child deserves. He deserves to believe that mom loves him enough to get help so that if he needs help someday mom's strong enough to get him help.

    Life comes once. Two people like I said earlier committed suicide. One had no kids left a wife. Another had two kids and a wife. I urge u to prove to you child clearly that you love him or her and teach it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

  • It sounds as though, while you may think getting rid of his stuff was you dealing with it all; it really wasn't. It was the quickest way possible for you at the time, to move on and take care of your child. You did what you needed to do to survive emotionally for yourself and your child.
    ANd while that was probably what was best then, emotionally it hasn't been dealt with yet. YOu haven't found closure to it. You may need to go through it all again, emotionally, to heal that wound that was never fully scarred over.
    Get some help to work throug it. I am sure you still have anger, but more than that, I bet you have a ton of sadness that needs to be let out. You are missing him and what could have been, no? While he was selfish, and you hated him, he was your DH for a reason.
    I wish you luck...I can't imagine how difficult it is to live with something like that. HUGS!!!!
    sahmamax2

    Answer by sahmamax2 at 5:25 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

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