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Did PPD stop anyone from bonding with one or more of their kids?

I wanted to give my oldest up for adoption. My family & Dh wouldn't let me. I had even found a family (my cousin) that wanted to adopt him. But I didn't think I could care for him. At the time we were very poor, my DH had a drug problem and I am severly BiPolar. When he was born I suffered with horrid PPD. I didn't want anything to do with him. I just wanted to sleep. He was a big baby (9lbs 5oz - 22in) and nursed for 45mins at a time and then was hungry a half hour later. I nursed him because I felt pressured by family and WIC, but I didn't want him to touch me.

Now, he's 3. I have another child that's 2. I didn't suffer PPD nearly as bad with him and we were able to bond more. Now, I feel like I have a favorite. And that makes me guilty. But I just don't feel the conection with my oldest. My Dh and him are close, but I'm not close with him... But I do with the baby.

Did anyone else deal with this? and what do you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Aug. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (3)
  • I think that PPD certainly can affect the bonding that you have with a child! I had a rough c-section with my ds last year and my recovery was long and tough. Dh took 2 weeks off from work to help with him when he came home from the hospital and I think that they have bonded much more than I have with the baby. I have severe PPD, take numerous meds for it, and I still feel that there is a lack of closeness between the baby and I. Plus the fact that he says, "Da da" all the time, doesn't say "Ma ma". I know that is kind of dumb of me to think, but sometimes I think that ds just thinks of me as "the food lady". It also doesnt help that ds is not a "snuggly" baby, he doesn't like to be cuddled, he just wants to move! I just look for all of the good qualities in him though, he is a happy baby and everyone just loves him. Perhaps you can do that with your oldest. Spend some one on one time with him,
    emnasmom

    Answer by emnasmom at 3:23 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • MORE - and find the things in him that are special and unique. Reassure yourself that you are the best mommy to him, and even though you may have wanted to give him up for adoption, he is better off with you and your dh. Good luck!
    emnasmom

    Answer by emnasmom at 3:24 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • Honestly, it sounds like you had more than just ppd. I think your reaction to the whole situation is reasonable. I hope you are getting some help now!
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 4:19 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

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