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Having some issues with my 11 yr old and her behavior...Need advise

I NEED some parenting advise...Anyone up for the challenge?? Let me simplify this...Almost 11 yr old girl, bad attitude, sassy mouth, won't help out around house, argues with everyone and complains about EVERYTHING! And I don't want to here... it's an age thing, that is just NO excuse for this behavior...I have tried many things and nothing seems to make an impact on her...

I told both my girls today (almost 8 and almost 11) that we had some housework that needed to be done today in preparation for the start of school on Tuesday...My youngest went about doing what she was asked to do...but my oldest just started to run her mouth and not do what she was told...Then when she did do something it was half done and right back to throwing her fit...This is an everyday thing with her...she is also very disrespectful to her dad and I...I am just so fed up with her behavior and she is not even a teen yet!!!

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sourmom2

Asked by sourmom2 at 1:47 PM on Aug. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (9)
  • I'd ask her why she acts that way and why she feels the way she does. Is she around older girls who may act like that? I'd sit down and have a heart to heart with her, try to get through in a calm and nice positive way, and if that doesn't work take away all her privilages. Also I'd let her know she's not being a good role model for her younger sister.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • I have to agree with the anon answer of talking first, calmly. Then take away privileges, don't just send her to her room if she has a room full of gadgetry either. Take away things, and let it be known by example that the good behavior is rewarded. It sounds almost mean, but I went out of my way to loudly have a good time with the kids I babysat that were well behaved, so the 2 bad ones could hear it. (5 kids ranging from 12-2) The two bad kids quickly fell into line and were quite respectful, they even changed the attitude towards the parents.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • I have had many heart to heart talks with her...and it just seems to go in one ear and out the other...without any positive changes. She is not around older girls, actually she is around younger girls, her sister and I also babysit a 7 yr old girl and her baby brother full time....So she is not picking it up from any older girls...Unless she is learning from the shows she watches on TV...I might have to cut off Tv privilege for awhile...

    I've tried taking away all of her privileges without any impact on her as well...What do you consider privileges...maybe I've missed one that I just didn't realize was one...
    sourmom2

    Answer by sourmom2 at 2:29 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • maybe she needs a therapist, just a thought. is she getting enough attention? most times teens will act out if they don't get enough family time. it could just be hormones too. talking to her doctor may be a good idea.
    mandielynn23

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 4:05 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • Having heart to hearts is a good start, you're on the right track, but sometimes we can't explain what's causing us to feel or react a certain way. Take a step back and see what needs she has that aren't being met. Behavior like this is, yes, partially age, but over the top behavioral issues are usually an attention seeking behavior. You said she is around younger kids you care for a lot, maybe she needs to be recognized as the oldest and given some special one on one attention. Don't make it obvious that you're giving her attention as a result of her past behavior, but give her a chance to start to grow up. And like a PP said, hormones are probably coming into play. Maybe give her more control over what she does around the house. Let her choose her chores, when she'll do them and make a clear consequence for failure to complete them WITH a positive attitude. You're doing the right thing by getting this in check now. GL
    bltcahill

    Answer by bltcahill at 4:33 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • Announce a surprise trip for icecream for the younger one since she was such a big help to you today. If you cannot leave the older one home all the better she can go and just not get anything! Bet next time she helps out just incase there is a reward!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • Have you taught her to respect you? Have you taught her to be obedient? Are there severe consequences for disrespect or for disobedience? These things have to be taught early in childhood and the foundation is layed. Children do not just automatically grow up to be models of good citizenry. Your younger child is probably just more compliant than your older. It's not too late to teach her that you won't tolerate her mouth nor her lack of obedience, but it will be much more difficult than had you started when she was a toddler. The other thing is that some children need to be shown what you want done and how you want it done, rather than just being told. They tend to work better with you rather than for you. They like knowing the sense of togetherness that comes from working as a team, so you might try that with her. I don't think she needs more harshness, but she does need firmness and she needs to honor her parents.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:18 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • Take everything but her bed away and make her earn the items back one at a time. Demand respect, but give her respect in return. When she does something without complaint, praise her. When she refuses to help, is disrespectful, etc take something away that she has earned back. No tv time, no priveleges. She can have books and nothing else. Take away everything including her clothes. YOU give her what she needs to wear for the day. She will soon learn to do what she is told and be respectful. Don't take her anywhere or buy her anything but the basics. Good luck, BTW it is part her age but she still doesn't need to think it is ok to do. My niece is 12 and she tries to act like a little snot but she soon finds out that it isn't acceptable.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:29 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • tyfry7496...I have taken everything out of her room except books and her bed...and she did have to earn things back...the sad thing is she could honestly careless about anything I took away....she had no desire to earn it back...I did this twice with her...the first time I thought it had worked she was trying to earn them back but as soon as she did..BOOM right back to where we started...then the second time we did it...she didn't even bother trying to earn the stuff back she really just didn't care...

    sourmom2

    Answer by sourmom2 at 11:04 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

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