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Hello everyone!! I need some MAJOR help. Please provide me with as much information possible.

My fiancee just started joined the army. He started his basic training and when he graduates in a few weeks, we will be getting married. He will then be on activvve duty. Here's the big dilema, i have a baby boy with my ex who is really only there when he wants to be. I know that if i try to ask him to let us move with my fiancee once we settle where he is stationed & married, he'll say no. He will start pretending like he really wants to be a father to my son when it's all just an act.He'll do anything to make sure i'm not happy. Please help, how can i convince a judge to grant me permission? Money is so tight right now for a lawyer. My fiancee is more than willing to adopt my son, but like i said, his dad only jumps when he is put on the spot. otherwise he cares less. What can i do? i appreciate any advise.

Thank you so much.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Aug. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Once your fiance is active duty, maybe before hand but definitely active - he can go to legal services on base and see what they advise him. Otherwise go to legal aid in your present county or a divorce mediation company and try to get ex to give permission and then have them redo paperwork for judge's ok.

    be careful, ex can make things really really difficult if you do things the wrong way.

    I know some lawyers give free consultations over the phone. call your courthouse too, maybe they can advise you on how to go about with your appeal of custody and visitation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • go to and link on KNOW THE LAWS then look for your state. In some states you don' t have to go to court to take the child & follow your husband. See if it helps you. You may just have to draw up a Parenting Plan and have it notorized. My dd only had to tell the father of her son that she was leaving the state. Make him go to court and try to stop you if all else fails or go to legal aid and ask them what's up if the website doesn't help

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:51 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • I would talk to a lawyer and start documenting all of the contact your ex has with his son NOW. If you can show that he hasn't been an active part of your child's life for x amount of months, i think that a judge will be much more sympathetic to your case

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 9:52 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • Do you already have a custody and visitation order? If so you need to see about having it modified. If not I would tell the babies father I was moving and leave the ball in his court.

    Answer by treynlisa at 9:53 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

  • It sounds like you're in for a bit of a mess unless he relinquishes his rights and lets your fiance adopt the child. I'm somewhat surprised that the military is going to let your man and you get married with him going active (it costs them more money). It used to be that way but I don't know what all has changed since you had to get the permission to get married (they own you and love telling you that from what I hear).
    In your custody papers does it stipulate that you can't move out of the state? A lot of people agree that the one that moved away has to pay to fly the child to the other parent or they meet half way.
    Wishing you loads of luck.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:53 PM on Aug. 23, 2009

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