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Stepson... Addoption... Bio father... Advice?

Okay... So my husbands ex wife just dropped a huge ball into his lap... She is getting remarried (for the 2nd time... and got re-engaged for the 3rd) and the new man want to adoped his son.

The boy is amazing and we both love him very much. We buy him toys and clothes all the time but no matter how hare he tried she NEVER lets him/us see him.
We live in a different state and he (the son) doesn't even know who his dad is... (eventhough we have tried!).
I don't want my husband to have to give up his son but there is only so much one person can do or take.

I don't know what to tell him. He keeps asking me what to do.. and I don't know what to do. Its not my son... its his. Hes the one that really giving someone up.


Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Aug. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • Well... if he doesn't want to - then he doesn't have to. In order for the new stepdad to adopt - BOTH parents have to sign off on it.
    As for the custody issue... I honestly suggest he contact his lawyer who took care of him through the divorce... or contact a new one with the divorce agreement in hand so they can both go over it - and also get a possible court hearing (or threatening of one) to get the ex-wife to at least let him talk to his son - send him picture, correspond... possibly pay for him to fly over and visit - or drive over and visit, etc.

    Good luck. =)

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 1:07 AM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Has your husband tried going thru family court for shared custody or some type of visitation? Has paternity been established? If your husband wants to be there for his son then I would FIGHT by his side to be part of his sons life! Don't let him sign his rights off and let some other guy adopt him because then he wouldnt have any chance of getting to know his son,and although he isn't your biological son he still is your child too!! This child has every right to know his real father,and your husband has every right to know his son...Best of Luck!!!

    Answer by dakotasmommy06 at 1:07 AM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • With the mom's track record, how long do you think she will be married to the man who wants to adopt the son? I think that it would be very foolish to sign over your parental rights to a man whom you have never even met. I also think that when the child reaches the age where he can make his own decisions, he may very well want to know his father. I would leave things just as they are, and I would keep sending him gifts and reminders that he is loved by his father. You have no power to control what anyone else does, but you certainly have power over your own actions. I would tell her this is not going to happen, and I don't know that you even owe her an explanation. I guarantee you that this child has suffered and will continue to suffer because of all the turmoil in his life. I would do nothing to add any more pain or rejection to his life.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:29 AM on Aug. 24, 2009

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