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Confused, numb and don't know what is the best way... Please help!

My H of almost 10 years has decided 2 move out. We've had a handful of downs, an affair from his part being the BIG ONE and what really shook everything. He claims that he stopped the affair so I have been trying 2 move forward bcause we have 2 kids and wanted 2 avoid at all cost not 2 hurt them by separating/divorce, obviously he doesnt feel as strong as I do about this. He says "he most b selfish, his not happy with me, he doesn't love me anymore and that he must move out to look for his happiness, that he loves his kids and that is what has kept him here". We started counseling & he had agreed not 2 move during the time we were going to counseling, thats not the case. He wants to continue counseling but I dont know for what, he will b out doing God knows what and I cant deal with that. My kids is just what is driving me insane, how do we break the news to them they have no idea of whats happening. Im going crazy and confuse

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Aug. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 9:54 AM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Without knowing how old they are, it's hard to give you any really specific suggestions, but my best advice with what you gave us here is to just sit them down and tell them that you and daddy have decided to live in different houses for a little while. Explain to them that it has nothing to do with them, and that you and daddy both still love them very much, and that you will both still be in their lives and spending plenty of time with them. Don't tell them about his cheating, or that he is moving out to find happiness. The happiness thing will make them feel as though they aren't good enough or that he doesn't really love them. Just say that you both feel (even though you don't agree) that you need to live in different houses for a while. Leave it at that for now, and if things progress and you end up divorcing, then you deal with it more then. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:01 AM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • My kids are 9 & 6. My girl is a total Daddy's girl and my son is more towards me.
    Thank you for your comments

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • My thoughts and prayers go out to you during this tough time, can you talk to the counselor alone? If your husband has already had an affair, he has disrepected you and you deserve better than that. You didn't say in your post if you were still in love with him.....I'm sure it may be difficult right now with him leaving, but in the long run things will work out. Explain to your kids that mom and dad aren't getting along right now, and they need some time to be apart. You need to love yourself through this, and take simple joy from your kids, remember that all of the bad feelings and emotions that you are going through now will pass. You will become a stronger woman for having gone through this, keep up the counseling and take it one day at a time. Best of luck!

    Answer by emnasmom at 10:24 AM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Sometimes married people take vacations from each other. That's what I told my kids and they seemed to accept it ok without getting upset. Living apart gives you both time to think about things clearly. It's not a bad thing imo. Take it one step at a time so you don't get overwhelmed. The kids will pick up on your energy if you get upset. Find the good in what's happening and remain confident in yourself. Even if you don't feel strong around dh, act strong. Men are attracted to it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:44 AM on Aug. 24, 2009

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