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Was this wrong? (Regarding transracial adoption)

First of all, you will not hurt my feelings. Be honest.

Okay, I'm on another non-Cafemom board. (A group for women with infertility, I had IF but now have kids but I still visit.)

Anyway, long story short, there was a post about if it was wrong to prefer to adopt a white mom on there said that she didn't want to adopt a child who was black because she was afraid the child would "relate to the AA Culture" (meaning African American) and eventually "turn against us".

I told her that, while I did not think it was wrong to prefer to adopt a white baby, you shouldn't assume that just because a child is black they might turn against you.

I explained that prejudice = pre judging how someone will behave based on what they look like...........

Well my post was deleted!!!!!!!! I was accused of being too nit-picky. Was it wrong!?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Aug. 24, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (11)
  • I don't think so.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:17 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • i think its stupid that you got deleted! and that lady is stupid for being so judgemental


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • All babies need love and family, people go out of the country to adopt, (which they should try here first) but people shouldn't ask a question if they don't want an answer, and that child probably wouldn't trun who knows, it's all in how you raise a child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • It could be the area that she lives in has racial problems and that is why she is worried that they would turn against them.

    Answer by baconbits at 1:36 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Anon 12:23-

    Seriously?? This post was not about IF people should adopt domestically or internationally. It was about whether the OP was out of line or not on a different forum regarding how someone regards AA children.
    OP- No, I don't think you were out of line. If the post was as you said it happened here, then you were "educating" someone else about inter-racial adoption.
    To anon 12:23 again- Have you adopted domestically? Fostered domestically? If not, then you do it yourself and don't think that everyone that adopts is required to follow your standards for building their family. Adoption is a very personal thing and domestic is not right for everyone... fostering is not right for everyone... international is not right for everyone. Each family has to decide for themselves. Do some research before spouting nonsense about adoption.
    We adopted from China because it was right for us. Neither of us felt comfortable with

    Answer by mcginnisc at 2:11 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • What you said made perfect sense. Sad that someone does not understand what prejudice is, but, she obviously does not. Deleting your post as being "nit-picky" makes no sense to me. I do not think YOU were wrong.

    Even if she does live in an area with racial strife, it is still prejudice to assume that all black children will turn against white parents. However, if she thinks that way, she certainly should NOT adopt a child of mixed race. I wouldn't want someone who thinks like that to adopt ANY child.

    Answer by Southernroots at 2:12 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • a domestic adoption. Too many first moms are coerced into placing their child and it didn't feel right to us. We had just lost a child and couldn't face having to send a foster child back to a biological family after bonding with the child. International was right for us. It is not anyone else's business what route is right for another family.
    If DIA or Foster adoption is right for you, then great. That is awesome! Don't put down others' for their choices in regards to adoption.
    Off my soapbox now.

    Answer by mcginnisc at 2:14 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Nope - you weren't wrong and you weren't nit-picky :)

    I like CM because even though things "flare" sometimes at least we can voice our different views, ask for the views of others, and dialogue about why we think the things we think.


    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 3:30 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • I wonder if she meant she was afraid the child would relate to AA culture instead of her own culture, which she could perceive as rebellion, and she would be too rigid to accept him and his culture. In other words, maybe she was afraid she would turn against him because of his culture. Just an idea.


    Answer by onethentwins at 2:29 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

  • Some adopted black children in transracial adoptions do turn away from their white parents. If she didn't want to have this child turn away from her then she would need to help this child be a part of their cultural heritage instead of trying to take offence at what the situation really is. She would have an African American child. Being black and being African-American is something to be proud of and celebrate. If she can't really see that then she is really better off not adopting any child that isn't from her cultural background.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

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