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how do i deal with letting my teenager do some of the things she would like to do?

my oldest daughter is almost 15. i have not let her out of my sight very much at all, except for sleepovers or basketball courts. i let her ride to school with her friend this morning. it scared me to death, but i let her go.

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jax533

Asked by jax533 at 1:45 PM on Aug. 24, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (9)
  • You have to build trust with her. Mine aren't quite that old yet, my oldest is 12 but his bio-mom has the same issues in letting him do age appropriate activities. So I told her, start with baby steps. Tell him, you may ride your bike down to the store BUT you MUST be home in 30 minutes. If you aren't then we will have to wait longer before letting you try again. Start to build that trust. She has to be allowed to make some decisions on her own now, or she won't know HOW to make those decisions when it counts. So, take it slow, little things (like letting her ride to school with friends) set boundaries, and every time she meets your expectations you will feel a little more sure of her abilities.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • You need to loosen the apron strings a little. In 3 years she will be grown. Then you will have to cut the apron strings completely.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:58 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • You set boundaries and as long as she stays inside them..she builds trust. Once trust is broken it is difficult to regain. Explain to her the consequences before hand. There is a quote for Footloose that I love "if we don't begin to trust our children how are they to become trust worthy?" Reasonable rules for her age, reasonable consequences and really it is up to you to enforce with absolute conviction and for her to live within the rules set. Remember at 15 there is lots of peer pressure. If you tell her no about everything..she will rebel harder. Movies with friends, the mall, football games..all pretty normal for 15, In my opinion. Think about a contract with her as well. Basically it states if for any reason you find yoursel in a situation where you've made a bad choice or ppl you're with made a bad choice they can call home for a safe ride with NO repercussions at the time of the incident. (deal with it next day).
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:24 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • cont'd In the contract we did with our sons it stated at the bottom "I would rather plan your wedding than your funeral"

    When my youngest was married in November he said 'Mom, those words always stuck with me" And before anyone asks..yes, I got one call from my oldest...and two calls from my youngest. It is HARD not to lose your cool, but it is about safety.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:26 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Is trust the issue here, or is it that you might be overly protective of her for some other reason? I wonder because you mentioned being scared to death after letting her ride to school with a friend. Has she ever done anything to make you not trust her or is there another reason that you feel as you do? Could this be an issue that might improve if you seek some counseling to determine why you are so anxious about allowing your daughter some freedom? Some worries about children this age are normal, but are yours more extreme?

    Maybe talking to some other moms with children her age might help you to figure out what is normal anxiety and what is excessive?
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 2:38 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Oh it is so hard to let them go. You just have to trust them and have faith in the way you have raised them. Just let her do things alittle at a time, work your way up to things. No matter how much you trust her or how old she gets, it's still hard to let them go.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 4:14 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • you need to let go trust me if you dont it will backfire
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 5:50 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Two words -CELL PHONE! My DS would not get half the freedom he does if he didn't have one. He has to answer if I call, or I will call the home number where he is supposed to be or all the friends he is with if they are at the mall or something.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 6:25 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • I saw that they have a cell phone that can keep the parents informed on the where abouts of their kids. Currently son doesn't have a cell phone because he got in trouble for downloading and texting and ran up a huge bill. I think this would be the kind of phone I would get him next. it is so hard to let go!!!!
    nan16

    Answer by nan16 at 7:59 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

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