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Different Views on Discipline?

Me and my husband seem to feel differently on our views for disciplining our son. We did talk about it all before having him but of course things have changed. He seems to want to be too strict to our son ( in my eyes ) Our son is extremely whiney but seems to only be that way for us, so I know there's nothing medically wrong but I feel like its our job to try distract him or get creative and if and when that doesn't work to get tougher on him - he gets very whiney after naps and when he doesn't get his way - we agreed to put him in his room and tell him he can come out when he's all done whining. he's only 21 months so I know he isn't capable of truly understanding this, but my husband seems to not want to do the WORK part of this and put him straight in his room before trying anything else -what do you do when you don't agree with your spouse in this area??? how do you work through it because all I can seem to do is be mad!


Asked by maxsmom11807 at 2:54 PM on Aug. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Level 29 (40,703 Credits)
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Answers (7)
  • The best thing that you and your husband can do is to sit down together, when the little one isn't awake or around and talk about what each of you think the "whining triggers" might be for him. And then both of you come up with solutions to counteract them before the whining starts, or just when it starts. Make a joint plan as to how you will discipline him if he goes into full blown whiney mode, but explain to him how you would like it to be something both of you agree on. That way you don't end up furious with DH and he feels like he's part of the discipline process.

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 3:10 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Somehow you need to figure it out. Someone needs to bend. You could use your why for awhile then if it does not work use his. I have three kids and what works on one does not always work on the other one. We have had to much tougher on my youngest ( he is a boy) then the other two. Also talking and explaining worked for my middle child and groundings worked with my oldest. You just keep changing the discipline until something works. Some kids do need stricter rules. Others get it right away.

    Answer by oliviahank at 2:59 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • first off 21 months old doesnt understand that. u should do time out one min per year of their age. when u stick them in their room they are goin to cry MORE so it means they will stay in their longer. If u two dont work it out hes goin to get confused!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • I would research, find the studies, the information, have it ready and present it to him AFTER little one is in bed for the night. Sit down and say, "I did this research and I want to go over it with you" address any questions he may have or any arguments. Explain to him that you two need to agree on how to proceed so you need to talk it out until you can come to a compromise.

    By the way, at 21 months, they are all whiney and can't comprehend why you are punishing them. So I agree he is being too strict but you need the research to back it up. Look into some good books, Love and Logic has one for preschoolers that is good.

    Answer by Petie at 3:48 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Remember ONE MINUTE FOR EACH AGE YEAR so what's the point of putting him in his room for 1 - 2 minutes when he only sees it as mom and dad rejecting him and abandoning him not to mention isolating him and making him feel all alone? Toddlers whine when they think they are not being heard. When he directs his words to you, listen and respond or at least look at him and make sure you acknowledge him. He will stop the whining without punishment. Tell dad to chill. Men have no patience with kids, imo

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:54 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Well you probably won't like my answer, but I agree with your hubby. If you don't stop his whining now, it'll only get worse. And don't let your baby fool you, they totally get what you are doing. The bottom line is, CONSISTENCY is the key. If you decide time out, then it's time out every time he whines. If you decide it's his room, then it's his room every time he whines. Regardless of what you decide, be consistent with it. You have to stop it now, or it'll only get worse over time. You and hubby need to get together on this, and be on the same page with one another, that's the bottom line.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • thanks ladies - I am at a loss - I am a first time Mom and whether or not I want to do this is not the question. its what will be right for my son and what will make us a happier family - I am a softy and my husband is the opposite so of course I will always feel he's too strict - i just want my son to be able to be a kid, but also stop the whining!!

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:23 PM on Aug. 24, 2009