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Did your "marry me or else" altimatium work?

Just wondering how it turned out for you if gave your SO an altimatuim to marry you or you would break up with him. Yes, as you can figure it's happening to me. I want to say it, but I want to hear possible real life outcomes of doing so. We have a baby already and he already confirmed a date with a rabbi to marry us, however he hasn't officially poposed. He says he wants it to be a surprise and wants to have a really nice ring. But I'm beginning to think he wants to back out instead. It's been 4 months since we confirmed the date and the wedding date is approaching but I refuse to plan a wedding before I am actually engaged. When I tell him this, he says okay, I hear ya. But he's done nothing.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:39 PM on Aug. 24, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Umm, yes, and that guy is now married to someone else right now. Though it worked out for the better because I have dh now. I honestly wouldn't do it, but I understand the desire. He has already confirmed a date have you gone in to do the pre-wedding counseling and such? Is this just a ring you are waiting for? If so, just let it happen. If not, then start making plans like the counseling, ask him to help pick things out and get him involved, as it gets closer he will have to make a decision one way or the other.

    Answer by Petie at 3:44 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Why would you even do that. It's not like he's refusing to marry you. You've already made the plans. Chill out girl.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 3:51 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • "We have a baby already and he already confirmed a date with a rabbi to marry us,"

    If a date is set, you ARE engaged. Ring or no ring.

    The ultimatum always works one way or the other. Either you get married or you don't, y'know? **grinUU

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:54 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • My cousin's girlfriend did this to him when she got pregnant. She said he had to marry her. Now they are divorced.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • My fiance's ex gave him the ultimatum 28 years ago. He married her even though he wasn't in love and felt pressured. He said he grew to love her over time. 25 years later, she had an affair and left him! Go figure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • seems to me like you are being anal about a technicality. If you have a date and he hasnt backed out, he IS going to marry you. On top of that, why would you give someone an ultimatum over marriage? Why would you want to force someone to marry you? Makes no sense.

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 4:37 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Well it sounds like technically you are engaged as you have the wedding date set. Yes, it would be nice if he would 'pop the question' and officially ask you. Maybe he is waiting to catch you off guard and surprise you. I would give him the benefit of the doubt and start planning the wedding.
    He is a man, sometimes they don't understand the need to hear the words. When my hubs proposed he never really said 'will you marry me" he said 'so what do you think? You know what we were talking about' (meaning marriage). We have been married 18 yrs now and sometimes I joke with him that he never popped the question and asked me.

    Answer by MizLee at 4:43 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • ummm that's the excat 'proposal' I got. DH and I talked about getting married but we agreed to wait until this month actually... However my parents didn't approve of us living together before we were married and 'talked' to him telling him the wanted to 'accept him' into the family so when I came in he said 'we're getting married on ___' I still only have the wedding band... He's marrying you & you need to decide if a ring is really worth the fight and possibility of loosing him...

    Answer by landensmommy411 at 4:46 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Well I go with some of these wemon that say Why would you tell him or else! Cause I for one wouldnt do that...Now I feel like I was pushed into alittle to fast..But I new I was going to marry him one day...Just didnt want to be pushed into....I Love my DH and New I was going to marry him! So I dont think you need to give him the Or else speach cause what is the or ELSE? you going to leave him if he doesnt and raise that baby on your own?? I wouldnt do that!

    Answer by bonham at 5:14 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • me=OP
    Maybe I should have added that he recently backed out of moving in with me this past August 1st. We got this big huge house in this awesome quiet neightborhood together, both our names are on the lease, some of the bills are in his name, some in mine. But on moving day August 1st, only my stuff was moved into the house. His hasn't given me a reasonable excuse yet. He lives with his parents still and is afraid that they will cut him off when he moves out. Even though they are not happy with our relationship, I have even heard his dad say that they wouldn't cut him off completely if he moved in with me. I mean he is 24 years old for g-d's sake, and it's time he moved out regardless. I see him backing out of this similar to him backing out of the marriage. It came as a shock me that he didn't move in, what if he leaves me at the huppah (altar) , I have no real proof he ever wanted to get married in the first place

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Aug. 24, 2009