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How do I handle this?

I love my husband but he is so frustrating. Before I got pregnant, he said he wanted to join the Army. Then we learned I was pregnant so he wanted to wait to be sure he'd be here for the birth. That was fine, of course. But now our daughter is 10 months, he's still overweight, and still talking about going. Yet, he doesn't do anything. If i ask him about it, I'm nagging him like his father does. Then he tells me "Well, you're suppose to be doing this with me (losing weight)". I'm all for this but he has no motivation. I'm finally going to be able to get a routine now that school has started(i babysat during the summer).
How do I get him to do something (doesnt even have to be the military) with out sounding like his nagging father? I'm losing my patience with him.
Before you say, join yourself, I'm going to college so i can become a teacher. I'm doing something. I'd be thrilled if he went back to school.(cont)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Aug. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • **OP here...cont** But he says he doesnt want to go to college. He was never interested in it. I understand that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Honestly....I would start changing the way that y'all eat. Buy healthier things (when possible) and just make better things all around. Tell him: Hey, let's go for a walk. That will give y'all time together, and it will also give y'all the exercise y'all are looking for. Encourage him. No matter how frustrated you are with him, don't pick at him. If he feels like you are constantly on him about joining, then leave it be. Don't even bring it up. He'll come around, just give him time :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • If you're a good example, then he will follow.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:13 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • is this only about the weight ? or does he really truly do nothing like has No job AND no ambition in every other area also?

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:14 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • You can only do what you can do. He has to be responsible for his own choices. If the subject comes up again, just say that he knows how you feel and you want to be supportive so whenever he starts doing something toward his goal (whatever it is) that you are there for him. Until then just take care of your own personal goals.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:24 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • **OPhere** He does have a job. Two actually. The problem...his main job, he's lucky if he gets 35 hours a week...very lucky, and that jobs ends in Oct/Nov because they close for winter. His other job brings in $130 every week. Very helpful yes, but not enough to cover things come Oct/Nov. It's not about the weight. It's just that.....he needs to do something serious that will benefit us as a family for the future. Mainly our childs future. I could care less if I have money to eat. I can survive on ramen noodles or pb&j. My daughter is whats most important.

    It's mainly the fact that he has no motivation but keeps saying he'll do something. I dont care what it is....really. I just brought up the army because thats what he keeps talking about.

    I just dont know how to motivate him anymore with him saying "You sound like my father."

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • I have that same problem sometimes with my husband. I believe he has good intentions... that's about it most of the time though. And that just won't work for the rest of my life. He HAS to have good intentions AND follow-through. you are NOT his father. But you are trying to push him to change for your FAMILY. Not just to nag. If he doesn't see that, then he needs a different type of push> You can't change someone, they have to want to change also.But you might have to lay all the cards out on the table. I grew up with a father always promising and never following through, it hurts! just like it does in a relationship. I CHOOSE not to believe in my father but made a choice not to live with someone like that either. Its NOT ok. He's using you sounding like his father as a reason NOT to follow through. that's not ok either. Maybe he needs therapy and then can move past things also?

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:47 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

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