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Deciding when to move on after Recurrent Miscarriage/Secondary Infertility

I am seeking advice from those of you that have experienced recurrent miscarriages and secondary infertility. We have been blessed with one beautiful daughter who is entering Kindergarten and are truly thankful for her everyday. I have had 5 miscarriages in the last 3.5 years. Being from large families ourselves, we always wanted/assumed we would have more than one. I am struggling with when/how to accept that we won't have any more children. In the beginning, I was told by drs. that miscarriage is common, have had progesterone test, thyroid levels, etc. all coming back normal and to keep trying, later another dr said I am just too old (I am 42). Would you recommend seeing a fertility spec.--obviously I can get pregnant, just can't stay pregnant? Can you recommend ways to accept/move on? I have been telling myself that this is in God's hands and just taking things day by day. Would love to hear your stories/thoughts

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on Aug. 24, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

Answers (6)
  • I am sorry you are going through this. I would advise at least making a consultation appointment with a fertility specialist (RE). They do know more than an OB/GYN about recurrant miscarriage and fertility issues, and even though they can't give you a diagnosis solely based on your history, they can give you some ideas about possible causes, treatments, and success rates with your age and history. I think after talking to them it will be easier to make a decision about whether you want to continue trying or whether you are ready to give up and move on. My issues were not exactly the same as yours, but I would have continued to wonder about it if I had not made an appointment with an RE, and I would have always regretted not at least exploring my options before giving up. I did decide to go on with fertility treatments, but even if I hadn't, I needed to know I had made the decision based on reliable information. cont-

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • One thing I did that may or may not be something that interests you, is I started looking into adoption as a possible option before my first appointment with my RE. I continued to research adoption throughout my treatment (even after I became pregnant). For me, it felt like as long as adoption was still an option I had some hope, and I had something to focus my attention on when I felt down about my fertility treatment. If my treatment had not been successful, I don't know if my adoption research would have been much comfort, but I felt like it would be.

    If you find out your odds of success are not good and you want to stop trying, then you will need to grieve. I don't know how to tell you to do that because i think it is personal and different for every woman. If it does feel like too much to bear, please look for some help (a friend, a counselor, clergy, etc.). Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • For me, I'd need to know that I've exhausted all options before giving up on another biological child. I have no idea the extent you've gone to yet, or what type of doctors/monitoring you've had. It would be a shame to give up when doing something a simple as progesterone injections could help your uterus hold onto a child, or heparin to thin your blood. There's different things doctors can help you with, try you on. You might already know this, or have already tried. I don't know. But, I feel that you will know it in your heart whether to keep trying against the odds and when to move on.

    I did not suffer through miscarriages. My problem was getting my eggs to fertilize. It got down to the donor egg/adoption speech from my local doc after another failed IVF attempt with poor med response and no fertilization. I felt very strongly that he was wrong, that I would conceive. (cont.)

    Answer by halfpint_ny at 8:39 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • After switching clinics, changing med protocols, and some deep soul searching with prayer, I finally found success. My eggs could fertilize, and the embryos that made it to day five were strong and looked great. The twins are now 3.5.

    I wish you the best and hope that you have a successful pregnancy very soon!

    Answer by halfpint_ny at 8:43 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • I am sorry for your losses. I have a daughter who will be 4 this fall and we always dreamed of having a large family as well. We started trying for baby # 2 when our daughter was a little older then 2. In that time frame, I had 2 miscarriages - 6 months apart. My ob recommended me to go to shade grove fertility- our insurance doesn't cover that so we went to John Hopkins to a fertility specialist. I was so nervous that she would tell me there was nothing left to do..but I was wrong.
    The 1st & only appt. went over great. She did a internal sonogram right then to check out everything. Of course everything was fine. She ordered me to have my blood drawn after I ovulated to check my levels- again fine. So the next step was to have a HSG test where they go in and put dye in your fallopian tubes to make sure everything is ok. I didn't make it to that point. I am now currently 6 weeks pregnant. She has checked my levels every 48hrs

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • cont- So I would check with your insurance and find a fertility doctor that is covered and make an appointment. I think you'll find the answers you have been looking for. Good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

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