Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I need Ideas for consequences for my children ages 8 and 11

I was wondering what others use for a consequence for these behaviors...

Not doing homework
Talking back/ being disrespectful to parent
Not taking a shower
Not respecting others property
Hitting
Big kid temper tantrums (yes i'm serious)
Not doing their chores

I'm just curious what others do with their children...It seems like nothing works with my 11 yr old...maybe I'm missing something...LOL

Answer Question
 
sourmom2

Asked by sourmom2 at 9:24 PM on Aug. 24, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Be consistant and clear. Ensure you have time to also just listen to what is on her mind.
    Not doing homework - no technology
    Talking back-extra chors namly the person who was talked back to's choruse
    Not taking a shower- let the friends handle that one
    Not respecting property- earn the money to buy a new one
    Hitting- the person he hits chorus ( if not family, push up contest or other physical way to get it out, or let them duke it out)
    Temper tantrums- a time out sitting in the least ineresting room on the center of the bed or couch for 8 or 11 mins.
    Not doing chorus- no friends, no technology, no life oh and extra chorus.
    Also some postives would be to give incentives if they do what they are suppose to. ie a versoin of the sticer chart but for older kids. When they have x number then they get a reward, extra one on one time with a parent, have a firend over to sleep, pick out a special dinner or desert, money. Goodluck
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 9:39 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • we just started a consequence jar in my house. They get warned then they pick from the jar. There is everything in there from pulling weeds to no tv for week to sit ups. Havent had to use it yet but we will in time. They havent been bad since its been up there. Its not set up for certain things
    aeemom

    Answer by aeemom at 10:10 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Very simply, every single thing they have is a privilege. Take it all away. Feed them nutritious but bland food. Ditch the sweets, junk, even the more "exciting" fruits and vegetables. Give them the clothes they will wear each day. Don't let them choose. No electronics, no toys, no going anywhere other than school or church or with you. They can read books of your choosing if they have some down time, but they shouldn't have any down time. I'm not talking abuse here; I'm talking a life with no privileges. As they begin to show respect for you and your rules, you can allow them to earn back privileges. Keep it small at first. Make sure they know to be grateful for what they are allowed to have.
    May-20

    Answer by May-20 at 10:24 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • And, yes, I do take away their privileges. When my DD went through a phase of changing her outfits and throwing the stuff she had worn for 10 minutes in the hamper, she lost the privilege to choose her clothes and she had to do everyone's laundry until she realized that what she was doing was making more work for me and was wasteful of water, soap, and energy. When my DS decided to lock his door against my direction, he lost his doorknob. My DD slammed her door one time; she was told very plainly that the next time she did so, the door would go to the garage. And she knows I'll do it, too. You have to follow through, and they have to know you will follow through.
    May-20

    Answer by May-20 at 10:30 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • I like the consequence jar idea...So if they did each of the bad behaviors in one day would they end up taking that many consequences?

    My hubby and I agreed on a point chart for the not doing homework, talking back, and not taking a shower...they will start out with so many points let's just say 10 and if they drop below 5 they won't get the special treat at the end of the week (a candy bar or some other small inexpensive thing)

    Since school is starting tomorrow I kinda wanted to make sure hubby and I are on the same page and both agree on what the consequences will be for each thing....My hubby is laid off right now so he will be the one getting the kids off the school bus and starting them on their homework...I won't be home until an hour after they get home...So at least this way When either of us are with the kids we are doing the same thing.
    sourmom2

    Answer by sourmom2 at 10:33 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • I would think about switching it around -- you get points rather than lose b/c then you are focusing more on the positive rather than the negative.
    And join it up with a natural consequence like:

    Your H.W. not done -- well you do nothing until it is -- no TV, phone, etc.etc. Nothing but food and bed

    You talk back - can lose points (and/or consequence jar) -- but also talk backs lose talk time.... no computer/phone

    Don't respect property -- lose right to property, have to earn back property/pay back property - as appropiate to the situation

    Hitting and/or tantrums -- NO WAY. Time out, lose ALL priviledges (at home suspension -- like at school -- you can sit at a desk doing work, no other interactions for ----- time)

    No chore -- no points, no allowance, no privilages ( including use of nicer clothes, rides anywhere, snacks etc.)

    I also like that everything but a bed is a privalage for major reinfrcm
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 10:55 PM on Aug. 24, 2009

  • Not doing homework...there is a very real consequence to that they fail. I know no parent wants to see their child fail, but i let it happen once and now i have a straight A student.
    Talking back/being disrespectful...I brought out the drill Sargent...we dropped them off at the end of a 2 mile dead end road and sat at the other end with binoculars. They were in a much better mood after trekking for 2 miles.
    Not taking a shower...be prepared to get wet turn the hose on them and yeah the kids at school could take care of it too, but then your house stinks until they do and their friends might be just as smelly.
    Not respecting others property...take theirs away.
    Hitting...again the drill Sargent comes out, but make it 5 miles
    Big kid temper tantrum...the drill Sargent again, at least a mile.
    Not doing chores...add more to it, trust me just once having to clean the entire house by themselves gives them a whole new perspective.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I'll be glad to make you dinner once your homework is done. Then you don't make dinner til it's done.
    Talking back, being disrespectful, well, I know you want to go to soccer practice, but see I don't feel like taking you. I'm kind of worn out from all that nasty stuff you said earlier. Sorry.
    Not respecting others property, umm, well, I guess you get to buy me a new one. I'm sorry but that is the way it works, you can feel free to pay me now or you can work off your debt.
    Hitting, he isn't behaving in a way that you can allow him to be near others, so he needs time to be alone and get control of himself.
    Tantrums, those are only allowed in your room or outside, by the way, you are really draining my energy (refer to disrespect)
    Chores, I told you to do these this morning I'm really sorry it's 2 a.m. and you really need to finish this before bed.

    I love the book Parenting with Love and Logic.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 2:08 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I just wanted to add that :

    * DevilInPigtails*
    You must have the IQ of a toad. The term you tried to spell several times in your post is CHORES. Its not Chros, and its not chorus. Chorus is a class you take and participate in songs while in school. Get over it. But this, this is what makes me to believe that your IQ falters way beyond retarded. You said:
    "Hitting- the person he hits chorus ( if not family, push up contest or other physical way to get it out, or let them duke it out)".

    Ok, so by your definition... the person he hits gets a song sung to them. Ok..... BUT if it is not family that they hit, they can have a push up contest OR duke it out. A push up contest? Duke it out? LOL.... um, I hate to tell ya this, but if your kid hit mine, and you suggested they "duke it out", I would kick your ass into oblivion and back.

    Please stop giving parenting advice. You scare me and small kids.
    Acarnall

    Answer by Acarnall at 2:14 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN