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How do you talk to a 13year girl that you think may have had sex?

She was under supervision the whole time they was with me in my home. I let her go to his house after church and his mom told me that they wouldnt be alone. Well, now i got a someone telling me that she has said she had sex. How do i talk to her about it with out getting mad? I have try to make her understand that she has her whole life ahead of her. Why would a baby herself do something like this? Heck i was 16 before i got my first kiss. What is the deal with the kids now a day? I feel like i have lost my only child because she didnt tell me what was going on. I dont understand how they had the chance. I guess i got the wool pulled over my eyes.

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:38 AM on Aug. 25, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • I would tell her that I have people telling me " " and if it is true I am very disappointed because I wanted so much more for you. If she denies it check for any signs she is lying (the usual signs for mine weren't present). I found out at my daughters 1st Gyn visit originally for birth control that she was pregnant. This was a shock and a slap in the face. If you think she is having sex even if she says she isn't get her in and on birth control, not the pill something she can't "forget". Remind her that condoms don't protect against herpes and other diseases. Herpes guarantees a c-section with every child cause of the risk of death.

    My kids were never aloud to have opposite sex kids over to the house unless they were in a group (until 16) and they could never go to a friends house I didn't know who they were and never an opposite sex friend and I always made sure that I talked to the parent. I gave no chance.

    Answer by Yimpulsiveme at 3:57 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I'd say it's time to put the girl on birthday control and buy her condoms. Even if she really didn't have sex, at least she will already be protected when she finally does decide to. Just make sure to tell her that you are not condoning her having sex, but it is for precautionary reasons. Don't be Naive, if she didn't have sex this time, it is going to happen sooner or later, and chances are she is not going to come to you first to ask your permission. Wouldn't you feel better knowing that you did everything you could to make sure she was being protected. Because let's face it, kids will find a way to do it, doesn't matter what kind of leash you put them on. It doesn't make any sense to get mad, there's nothing you can do about it now. And if you blow up at her about it now, there is no way she will ever come and talk to you about it if she really needs help with something. Do her a favor and get her protected.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • *Birth Control

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • There is one thing I can think of for your question. My mom confronted me when I was a little older but still in hs about this same thing and I wish she had just told me how she felt and been totally honest with me. Tell her why this upsets you, why it's dangerous, and why she should wait. Try to keep from getting mad or defensive because chances are that she's confused about it too.

    Answer by JenniP0708270 at 6:37 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • In this day and age she should of had the talk before 13 yrs of age. More and more kids are having sex. Seriously simply sit her down and talk to her about having sex. I would not confront her about knowing or hearing rumors that she has. You can make it known basicly that you suspect. We are in 2010 put her on birth control, she is covered and it will regulate her period as well. This is the 21st century, in my time never had a kiss either til I was 16. But then again I am 55 now a mom and grandmom.. Good luck honey

    Answer by CaliGirl54 at 7:50 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I wish somebody had talked to me when I was 13. I was raised by my father and he was more or less embarrassed to discuss such things with his daughter. You should sit her down and have a good heart to heart talk with her. Let her know that sex isn't fun, it isn't a game, nor is safe under any circumstances. I'm pretty sure a gyn could tell you whether she's been sexually active or not; just so you know for sure. When my neighbor's daughter started talking about wanting to have sex (she's wild) I got online and did a google search of stds. Most of the pictures are pretty horrific and they scared the crap out of her. Maybe you could show her what other people have gotten from intercourse... Do they not have a sex ed class anymore? Let her know you aren't trying to argue, but it's something that has to be discussed in your house. Try not to get frustrated. I wish you the best of luck, and sorry I couldn't be more of a help

    Answer by momma_marian at 8:51 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • FYI : Herpes does not guarantee a c-section and death from it is virtually nonexistent. This is why people need to be educated. It cannot be prevented by a condom. It is a very common STD and many people don't even know they have it because some people have only one outbreak that could be mistaken for something else. I've had 3 kids vaginally and I have it. I get 1 or 2 bumps once or twice a year. Sex should be talked about in age appropriate/need to know increments. Kids may experiment very young , so it starts with teaching toddlers about touching themselves and others. Children may hear references to sex from older children,adults, or media. She should have been taught everything before puberty. Just talk to her- don't get mad if you find out it's true-just teach her the facts and how you feel.Make her feel safe to come to you. Don't just assume it can't happen if she's kept close.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • when I gave my son "the talk' I went to planned parenthood and got all the info they had on boys read it and basically (so as not to embarrass him) I treated it like a business meeting I told him what was what was was happening to him what would be happening to him all the cons of sex too early etc etc I just stated facts to him

    I would suggest you go to planned parent hood ...TODAY and get all the info they have read it and talk to her this weekend. take her for a check up with a OBGYN have them also talk to her . Let them know what you suspect and that you want them to have a frank discussion with her about STD's pregnancy etc etc

    then take her to a daycare and let her get baby spit up on her and change some really nasty diapers who knows it may work.....

    good luck

    and remember this is about her not you


    Answer by justgrape723 at 10:17 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • my mom knew when i became sexually active. i was 15. it was with my now dh. she said she knew cuz of how i wlaked and my hips, whatever that means. she didnt put me on bc. we used condums. we got marry when i was 18 and he was 20. TALK TO HER, DISCUSS , STD, BIRTH CONTROL PREGANCY.

    Answer by piwife at 4:50 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • well to update everyone on my daughter. I talk to her she told me the truth. i took her to see and obgyn. we will find out in 10 days if he has passed something to her. I have talk to her about sex for as long as i can remember. About bad touch and good touch. She just made a wrong choice by letting him talk her into it. She understands everything that is why she did tell me the truth. If anyone else has a young child. I dont care what you think they may or may not do. Dont let them be in the care of other parents. They didnt watch out for my daughter. They left them to watch tv in a bedroom with the door closed. I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THIS! SOME PARENTS DONT CARE! I DO! I just let my guard down once. He talked her into it. WE are going to get this past us. Work on more time together.

    Answer by nessiesue at 12:38 AM on Sep. 1, 2009

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