Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is This Any Reason To Seperate

Hi, All I recently posted a question on here about (In-Laws) and got lots of answers back I really appreciate that. Well I am in a delimma. I am 25yrs of age. My hubby is in the Military. He look at everything his way or no way. We are only here for 3yrs he wanted to buy a house which to me make no since because of the economy. When he want to go out it's where he wants to go and do not ask what do I like, found condoms in his car and I ask him and said "Just In Case" grrr. Go out to clubs by himself and comes in the house at 3 r 4am. To me people that goes to clubs constantly like that and that are married are basically looking for someone else. So I am 98% sure that I will be leaving to go back home taking kids beds, all clothing etc. Do you think by me leaving he would realize all the child support and all that comes wiht a divorce that he may change for the best. Please respond with answers. I am so stressed right now.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Aug. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You can't force a person to change...if you leave and that is what happens, I hope it's because he WANTS to change. You need to use your voice...you are part of this marriage too. If he won't listen to your feelings or won't even acnowledge how you feel, THAT'S reason enough to leave. Also, if he does change, I wouldn't run back immediately...you need to know that this is how it will be for the rest of your lives and not just a temporary thing to get you back. You also need to look at yourself and make sure that you have corrected any issues that he may have with you and your actions. It's a 2-way street...both sides may need to change, inevitably one will change more than the other, but most problems are not one sided. I would recommend a cousilour to help you out or a mediator.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:55 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I would say you have a complete breakdown in trust and communication! He doesn't appear to treat you or your children with respect, nor does he seem to care. I suspect he has always been like this, but you've just finally had enough!

    I doubt that he'll change as a result of your leaving, but I think it would be the healthiest choice for you and your children. Even after divorces are final, many single parents raising their children often have difficulty getting child support payments or are able to have a civilized arrangement when it comes to visitations.

    Don't expect much from him, and plan on doing everything yourself--everything else will be a "bonus!"
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:57 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • No that's not gonna change him, really, it's gonna change some things in his life maybe, but not his character, you can't change anyone no matter what you do, and it usually takes a person awhile before they start to change themselves! Hopefully you do leave and make a better life for you and the kids, wish you the best!
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 8:57 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Well personally if my DH was out at clubs all night all the time and responded with just in case about the condoms I would be out the door. What is "just in case"? To me, he is telling you if he had the opportunity to cheat he would. That is totally unacceptable! I don't have an answer for you per se but I would be gone!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:57 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • It could go either way. Sometimes separation does make a man realize how much he loves his wife. Other times, he is just glad she left so he didn't have to throw her out. So if you decide to go, you need to be emotionally prepared that it could spell the end of your marriage. Before I did that, I would try to make home such a place that he would want to stay there. I would want to know that I had done everything possible to make myself into the perfect wife. If you have been nagging at him about anything, including this behavior, stop it. Instead, look for ways that you can show him love, appreciation, and respect. Problems in marriage are never totally one-sided. Both spouses are contributors to them. So make sure that you have completely taken care of whatever your part in all of this is and see if it doesn't start to make a difference in your marriage and in your home. Men go where they are stroked emotionally.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:00 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • First check with a lawyer to find out what you need to do to protect your interests and those of the children.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:08 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Many men like to run around and act single but don't think it's wrong bc they are still responsible in their eyes by providing the basics for wife and kids. Perhaps a separation would help him see what he'd be missing if you divorced him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:41 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • If it were me, I would want him to come back to me because he realizes what a douche he was being and can't stand the thought of being with out me. Not because he doesn't want to pay child support or go through the hassle of divorce!!
    DirtyMonkey

    Answer by DirtyMonkey at 11:58 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN