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money control(long)

My SO of 3years is horrible with money. I am 8 yrs older than him and a SAHM. We are behind on all of our bills and the overdue balances get paid each month. Every month I write down our bills and his income, and how much we have left over. Every check he gets, he barely looks at what I wrote and manages to totally f%&k up our money.Last check, I told him to pay the power bill,which was a little less than half his check,and he wanted to wait for the next check,which meant we wouldn't have the rent and other bills paid.He paid the bill and the rest went to diapers,gas, and various crap when more should have been used to pay our bills.He gets paid again today and I have to figure out if we'll have the rent and other utilites(allw/cutoff notices due b4 next check).He rented 2 movies n i just found out our account is negative because he forgot to return them. He went out and spent money without even checking to see if we could


Asked by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Aug. 25, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I don't know if getting a job is an option for you-- but it is worth considering. If you can get a job, then I strongly urge you to keep separate accounts. I do think you need to talk to him about his spending habits and tell him that the bills and family items are #1 priority, and his 'extras' come last. It would be a good idea to have him sign his check over to you and put it in your account and you write out the bills --since he does not seem to be taking it seriously, and give him a set allowance/spending money for his things. Also let him know that the $ you give him has to last, so if he blows it on crap he does not get any more $ until the next payday/allowance day.
    If he won't grow up start taking responsibility and paying the bills on time, then it might be time to leave him.

    Answer by MizLee at 2:46 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • You knew he was horrible with money like that, can't be repsonsible for paying bills yet you had a child (MAJOR EXPENSE) with him and you don't work to help out? Yeah, he's irresponsible but you are older and knew better so you are just as guilty if not more for your financial mess. Figure it out, Mom

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I'm in the same boat! I had perfect credit until my husband came along! He has financialy abandoned me, and I have bills pilling in that I can't afford, he screwed my bank account that I don't have anymore. When I was working I paid the bills in full and ontime, but wasn't able to go back to my old job b/c of the hours-not the work, but now I'm pregnant again and no-one's hiring pregnant women at 23 weeks! I'm living at my moms, he's been working but not working with me financially, we have tried counseling and there are just a lot of issues here, plus he has child support from another relationship that he didn't have when we married! I'm ready to bail and start my life over!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • CONT afford it.He uses the debit card to buy cigarrettes and food at work, and checks the balance by calling the bank. He has never learned that some things go through later.I have tried to get him to buy cartons and to buy food for lunch at work. Sometimes he does this. Sometimes he leaves the card at home, then takes it without telling me.He spends whatever is in the bank and worries about bills later. I just found out we didn't pay the $30 water bill and it is past cutoff date(we had the $$ for it). I could go on and on. I rarely spend any money and have a list of things we need every check. Sometimes I babysit and I often hide small amounts of money that almost always gets used to save our ass.Right now I have a little birthday money-.I'm pretty it will go to bills. I have TRIED to tell him let me control the money.Has anyone had this problem and found a solution?we'd have more if he wasn't so stupid...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with him- tell him it is time to grow up and take responsibility and pay his bills on time! Yes, he does work and should be able to spend money- -but the bills HAVE to be paid first! Options to discuss: him signing over the check to you, or putting it in your account- and you giving him an 'allowance' and then pay the bills with the rest
    You could think about getting a job yourself and using your money to pay bills
    Or you could think about dumping him- give him notice and say if things don't change by XXX date you are out.
    Good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I've been talking and talking to my husband, it hasn't seemed to work, I've had to hide money and the only money I do get is for our daughter, she doesn't go with out, but I do, I'm thinking about divorce if he doesn't soon work with me more. I posted Anon 10:37

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • OP: To Anon 37,46. It's very similar with me. I lost a bank account. He lost one. We got one together and a savings account in my name. It doesn't do any good. He decided he wanted to buy something recently and I said if it's over $20,don't get it. He took $60 out of my savings. The savings account is almost a joke-we can;'t save because we're behind on everything, and he thinks about crap he wants before the bills. when we have a few dollars extra coming up(such as from me babysitting),he thinks we have extra money,instead of realizing we still have back payments. He is getting his GED right now at night so I can't find a night job that I can work only 2 or 3 days/wk, so babysitting is my best option right now and thank god for that. I keep asking him WHEN does he want better for us. We have had chance after chance to save and get ahead.He thinks going without a little would kill him.

    Answer by ranedare at 11:30 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I think you should try to get a job. I'm not sure if you don't work because of child care reasons or why. I also think you should try to save whatever money you can without him knowing. Save it up for the day when you leave him. If he can't be a man and be responsible for you and your child then you need to do it.

    Answer by Jguevara at 11:46 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I am with the poster who said you should talk to him and have him sign over his checks to you. He then gets an allowance and can spend that however he wants, but when it's gone, that's it. Usually, I wouldn't agree to this type of situation, but it sounds like he's very immature about money. Sometimes, people really need to find out people's financial situations and habits before getting involved with them.

    Answer by missanc at 11:51 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • If you can't find a solution to this problem VERY soon, I suggest getting out of this now! It takes work to maintain a healthy relationship WITHOUT adding financial stress to the mix. If he can't grow up & learn what he needs to do to take care of his family, he's not worth it.

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 11:59 AM on Aug. 25, 2009