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Does this make me too lenient?

I have been in several bad relationships in the past, some where both of us were super clingy and usually emotionally abusive. After I had my 1st child I changed dramatically, even about picking men. Now I'm married to one of my long time friends from HS, and my whole perspective of things is different. I don't have trust issues with him even though he was unfaithful once (before we were married). He has a pic of some random model as his background for his cell and it doesn't bother me. He goes out once a week to places like Hooters or just out with friends and still, doesn't bother me. I know he'd have no issue if I wanted to go, but I usually don't. I don't mind him masturbating or watching porn (we'll even watch it together sometimes, and we had phone sex a lot when he was deployed). I hardly ever nag him unless it's about picking up after himself. Am I too lenient now?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Aug. 25, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I think whatever makes you happy & works in your relationship is great for you. It might not be what other would do but it is your life & you have to live it as you see fit.

    The one thing I would caution is that you don't allow these things b/c you think it is the only way you can hang on to a good guy. It is great to have a secure relationship & not be jealous but if something really does bother you at some point, don't be afraid to speak up.

    I actually agree with you on some of this. I have no problem with Hooters (DH loves the wings, lol) or DH going out with friends. The model on the cell phone might bother me but I would probably just take a cool pic of myself & send it to him to put on his phone istead. And I think it is great that you don't nag--it rarely works. Just don't be a doormat. Stick up for yourself if needed, otherwise kudos for being cool & secure.

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 10:49 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • I dont' think so. I've been married almost 18 years and hub and I have never had "clingy" or jealousy issues. We have always been secure in our marriage to eachother. I couldn't be with someone that was emotionaly Clingy, would drive me nuts. Hub is the same way

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:46 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • LOl you should've seen the HOT model I had on my cell phone AND my wallpaper, I refered to him as Mr. Yummy! lol

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:51 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Nope it sounds like you have a nice relationship. I'm the same way.

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 11:25 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • Yes and no, you seem to do things together and have a mutual understanding that's great! But on the second hand you could be opening these doors that may lead him into taking things farther in the future, and then he'll say well you let me do this and that and was fine with it why not this.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 11:40 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • if it works for you, thats great. but if my SO ever had a pic of another girl as the wallpaper on his cell phone, i would punch him in the face and break up with him.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:45 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • nope, I think you have the answer to a good marriage

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:47 AM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • If it works for you, that's great. I have no problem doing things like phone sex or watching porn WITH my dh, but he doesn't have pics of other girls or go to Hooters every week - he doesn't want to (I've told him he could go to strip clubs with some single friends, but he won't go without me), but I might have a problem with it.

    Answer by missanc at 12:00 PM on Aug. 25, 2009

  • no, what ever works for you is fine as long as you are both happy.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 1:34 PM on Aug. 25, 2009